* * *
Tonight has been perfect. It was a fight till the end, but we won our game. I think those victories are even sweeter because it shows how close the teams are skills-wise. Then we had a celebration, and for once, I got to go out with the guys I used to idolize. Grace was there, and I only felt happiness for her. The familiar shame is still there but faded.
Then there’s Cora. She is what really made this night special. I’ve had many women sit up in the stands with my jersey, but I never once sought them out. Tonight, I wanted to see her cheering for me, my name on her back. I couldn’t help the kiss I blew her way. I know the crowd was probably wondering what the hell I was doing, but she knew it was for her. Then we got to the bar, and everything escalated.
Dancing with Cora is the single most erotic thing I have ever done. The way her body pressed against mine, rubbing me in all the right ways. I was close to embarrassing myself in my pants, but thankfully I was able to hold off the release by naming off players on the championship teams for the last five years.
When she said she was hoping to take me for a ride, I knew there was no way I could tell her no. So I didn’t.
Instead, I texted Wyatt and told him to find somewhere else to sleep.
After a quick stop at the corner convenience store for some condoms, we walked hand in hand down the sidewalk toward the hotel.
“Are you sure about this?” I ask Cora, holding open the door to let her go into the hotel in front of me.
“I am.”
“If you’re ever not sure, you’ll tell me, right?” I pull her a little closer.
She squeezes me around my center as we stop to wait for the elevator.
“Your heart is racing. Maybe I should be asking you if you are sure about this.”
My hand reaches up, rubbing that spot on my chest that always hurts me. “I want to do this right,” I admit to her as the elevator dings before the doors open.
I step in, keeping her under my arm.
“There is no right or wrong, Kellan. There’s just us.”
Her words strike a chord in me. I’ve been doing everything I can to not be the man I was before. To be the man I think she deserves, but maybe I should be focused on being in the moment with her.
By the time we are standing at the door, I feel on edge. I have never been this nervous to be with a woman before.
That thought in itself has me wondering how shitty of a person I actually was because I know the reason why I care so much is because of Cora. I care about Cora more than I have ever cared about anyone else I have ever been in a relationship with. The connection we have, I feel it bone deep. As if she has burrowed her way into the very fiber of my being. I love every single minute of it.
As the door to my room closes behind me, she looks over the room. It’s not much. There are two queen beds with a nightstand between them. There is also a TV mounted on the wall with a dresser underneath it. Neither Wyatt nor I bothered to unpack, so our bags are sitting against the wall, our clothes sticking out of them. I’m glad Coach collected our hockey bags with our dirty clothes to put on the bus after the game. I’d hate to think what our room would smell like otherwise.
God, she’s beautiful,I think as I watch her take in the room. When she spins to face me, I feel like something has hit me in the chest.
I love this woman.
The thought doesn’t make me feel better, though. If anything, it has me feeling even more nervous.
“You rub your chest like that a lot,” Cora says suddenly.
I drop my hand, not realizing I had been rubbing it. “It’s subconscious. I don’t always know I’m doing it,” I admit.
“Do you have heartburn?”
I shake my head. “No. It happens mostly when I’m nervous or anxious.”
“Hmm.” She steps toward me, her hand coming to rest where I was rubbing on my chest. “Do I make you nervous, hotshot?”
“More than you fucking know, beautiful.”
She smiles up at me. “Good. You make me nervous too.”
I swallow hard. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
