His eyes heat a moment before he focuses back on the page.
“Three hundred and twenty-five dollars for this. I mean, it’s a logistical nightmare. Like what if it cuts my dick? For crying out loud, there’s a glitter option. We all know glitter is never really gone. Glitter in my pubes?” He shudders.
I can’t contain it now. I’m dying with laughter, unable to breathe as I lie back on my lounger.
“Think about how long it could linger if it gets lost inside of your vajayjay. It would be there forever. Talk about a nightmare.”
Dominic has a small smile on his lips as he looks at me with adoration. For a moment, I feel like I should be concerned about the new look, but before I can, he speaks again.
“Imagine going down on a vajazzled chick. It would be like sandpaper. She’s taking off her panties trying to be sexy, then bam, her panties pull one off, shooting it off like a projectile, taking out an eye.”
The more I laugh, the more he keeps going.
“God help if you slip out mid stroke and jam the head into one. I mean, that already hurts, but it would be twice as bad. Especially if it cuts you.”
My sides start to hurt as I try to stop laughing, but I can’t. My eyes are tearing up as I try to gulp in air.
Between laughing fits, I choke out, “What if… you go down… and choke on one?”
He bursts out laughing with me. “Death by vajazzle. Damn, what an embarrassing way to go! Or maybe you snort it instead. Then you’d go to the emergency room. The nurse would be like”—he adopts a feminine voice—“‘Sir, your nasal cavity is severely damaged. Have you been snorting cocaine?’” He switches back to his normal voice. “‘No, ma’am. I was muff diving and hoovered a fucking cooter jewel up my damn nose.’”
I’m about to fall out of my chair I’m laughing so hard. He jumps up, catching me as my body shakes.
“I’m going to pee my fucking pants,” I pant as he slides behind me, pulling me into his chest.
He rubs my arms as I continue to get control of my body.
“I’d rather date someone who pees her pants than someone who bedazzles her vagina.”
I shake my head, letting him hold me. When I finally get a hold of myself, I wipe my eyes from the tears.
Glancing around, I can see eyes darting our way, but for once, I don’t mind the attention.
Looking back at Dominic, I smile.
“Thank you. I needed that.”
He shrugs. “Anytime. How about you relax back and read while I take a nap? I think those magazines have scarred me.”
Letting him arrange me so my back is flat against his chest, I let myself settle. Then he hands me my book.
For a moment, I wonder what it would be like if this was real.
Would he always make me laugh like that?
Glancing over my shoulder, I smile. His eyes are closed behind his sunglasses. His hands are on my hips, one lightly brushing against my skin.
He called this the girlfriend experience. If this is how he is with girlfriends, then I might not want to give him back when it’s over.
4
DAY TWO: SEA DAY
I don’t knowhow long we’ve been lying here, but I feel the moment she relaxes into me.
It sends a swell of pride to my chest.
Katie has a beautiful laugh. I’ve heard it before, but nothing will top moments ago when she was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. That pure joy on her face and the way her cheeks turned pink.
