Nate
Something’s wrong.I have been watching Hailee since the beginning of the year. Back then, it was for a completely different reason than I do now, but I still watch her.
I tell myself it’s because we can’t trust her. That she’s up to something, but that’s not true.
My feelings for her are complicated, but I still care about her. Even as I throw my insults at her, I don’t actually want to hurt her. When I see the pain my words cause, it only makes me hate myself more.
I’m angry with her.
Holding her in my arms in that supply closet as she sobbed almost broke me. Watching her run away from me? That only made the pain worse.
Now as I stare at her across the cafeteria, I can’t help but see the changes that were clouded by my anger.
She sits at the table with the rest of the cheer bitches, but her smile isn’t bright. I’ve seen her smile for real. The way her eyes sparkle as her lips turn up in that adorable way makes my dick hard.
That’s not the smile she wears now. Her lips are turned up, but there is tension there. Her shoulders are drawn up almost to her neck. I don’t miss the way her eyes flit my way every once in a while.
I see the sadness now. After she left me in the closet, she disappeared for a while. I wanted to seek her out, but I wasn’t sure she wanted me to. Now that I know she’s breaking, I no longer want her to.
I want to hold her together. I want to bring her in and tell her I forgive her.
All the hatred from before deflated from me as I felt her body shake in my arms. When I saw her red-rimmed eyes filled with tears.
Now that I have had time to calm down, I realize what Willow and Chase were telling me before. Her motivations are driving her to do this. She’s miserable though.
So why is she doing it?
I continue to watch her as I feel someone slide next to me.
Glancing over, I see Willow.
“Do you think if you keep staring daggers at her, she will keel over?” Willow teases.
“I’m not doing that. I’m trying to figure her out. Why is she doing this?” I murmur to myself.
She chuckles. “I thought you hated her.”
“I did too, but then she broke down in my arms. There’s more to this than she is letting on. I mean, look at her. She’s stiff. She’s laughing with them, but her eyes are miserable. Why is she putting herself through this? What is her end game?”
Willow glances over to Hailee. “She was crying?”
I huff out a breath. “Only for a moment before she pulled herself together. I’m worried about her. She’s hurting.”
Willow grabs my hand, squeezing it. “You never really hated her, Nate. Trust that she is doing what she is for a reason. Let her run this course and be there for her when it’s done.”
The hair on my neck stands up. I turn, studying Willow. Her eyes are sad as she watched Hailee.
“What do you know?” I demand.
She shakes her head. “I know Hailee. She wouldn’t betray us unless she had a really good fucking reason. I trust her.”
“Still? Even after everything she has said to you? About you?” I question, wondering what I’m missing.
She stares right into my eyes. “Even with all of that. Maybe she really was missing home and joined up to get a piece of her past back. Maybe she wants to fit in so bad that she made a mistake. Or maybe seeing me with Chase hit somewhere inside her that scared her. We don’t know her reasons, but we need to respect them.”
“If she came back right now and begged for forgiveness, would you be able to give it to her?” I question.
“I would. In a heartbeat. The real question is would you?”
