Instead of going to bed right away, I sit on the edge evaluating my feelings. That familiar weight on my chest has me reaching for my bag on instinct, but I know it’s not there. I know I can’t give in to the addiction. I shouldn’t care what happens to my mother, and I don’t to an extent. If it were her actions that caused this, I wouldn’t even think twice. It wasn’t her, though. It was my actions that brought this evil into our life.
Along with my anxiety and guilt, anger is festering inside. Chase claimed me as his, but does that mean I will never get a say anymore? Will he always disregard my feelings in pursuit of what he feels is the best option for me?
Letting out an exasperated sigh, I shake the thoughts from my head. The one emotion shining through now is worry. I need to check on Hailee.
Walking down the hall, I peek into Nate’s room and see him sitting on the edge of the bed with Hailee asleep next to him. He raises his finger to his mouth, telling me to be quiet so she can sleep. Nodding, I walk away and close myself in Chase’s room again. I count to thirty in my head before opening the door again. Slowly I make my way down the hall, hearing the cadence of his voice as I move closer. I freeze when he goes silent. After several minutes, his voice continues.
“I’m calling in that favor,” he says quietly.
I creep closer, eavesdropping on him.
“This is a little different. I’d get Tinsley out of town for a couple days.” He pauses. “It’s important and could be dangerous. I need you to meet me tomorrow afternoon at the warehouse.” Another long pause. “This was your price. You chose it, not me. This is business. You know as well as I do it doesn’t matter if we’re friends or not. Everyone has to pay the price to play,” he tells the man on the phone calmly.
I glance around the corner, finding Chase with his back to me. He pulls the phone away from his face.
“You can come in.”
His voice startles me.
“Seriously? How did you even know I was there?” I gripe as I make my way into the kitchen.
“Haven’t you figured it out already? I know everything.”
“What was that about?” I ask as I lean against the counter next to him.
“You’ll find out tomorrow. How’s Hailee?”
“Surprisingly, she’s sleeping. I just hope all of this doesn’t steal the rest of her innocence. Aside from losing her parents, she’s never really had to deal with bad shit.”
“How about you? Are you okay?” He steps forward, running his hand along my arm.
I roll my eyes at him. “This is just another Tuesday. I’ve had my fair share of shitty hands dealt. I can handle it.”
“You don’t have to act so tough all the time. It’s okay to talk to me.”
“Sure. Let’s talk. Do you want me to break down and cry because my mom’s life is in danger? Newsflash, she puts herself in danger every time she invites a john into her home. Every time she runs out for a score. Fuck, every single time she snorts, shoots, or swallows a drug.”
“You’re right, but this is different. I saw the look in your eye when Hailee was talking. You’re blaming yourself.”
“What makes you think that?” I ask as my fingers drum on the countertop.
“I know you better than you think. Your mom might live a risky life, but all of those risks were of her own choice. I’m not saying it’s your fault because it’s not, but I can see why you would feel that way,” he says as he grabs my hand. Stopping my fidgeting.
“I don’t need therapy, Chase. I can process my own feelings just fine.”
“Really? So you don’t have the urge to run back into the bathroom and cut yourself?” he says sarcastically.
I can’t help but flinch as if he hit me. “That’s low. Even for you.” I turn and make my way to our room with him hot on my heels.
Once in the room, he grabs my arm, turning me to face him. “I wasn’t making a dig. I’m being honest. I understand it’s hard for you to trust people, but you need to talk shit out. It’s unhealthy for you to keep it in.”
“Really? Like you talk about your feelings all the time? We’ve just started sleeping together. I’ve been living here for over a month. Do you know how much I actually know about you? Very little. You sneak out at all times to run off and handlebusinessI’m not allowed to be involved in, even when it concerns me. So before you start preaching to me, maybe you should start taking your own advice.”
“This isn’t about me. I’m worried about you.” He shakes his head.
“Don’t be. I’ll be fine.” I turn, grabbing my backpack that I never fully unpacked, pushing my clothes inside.
“What are you doing?”
