“Makes sense. You will need to talk to them eventually, even if it is to tell them to leave you alone. I don’t take them for the giving up type.”
“Somehow I think you’re right.”
“Well, well, well,” my mother drawls, leaning against the porch railing with a cigarette in hand. “Look who found her way back to the trailer park,” she sneers.
“How have you been, Mother?” I ask, biting the inside of my cheek.
“It’s been peaceful without you around here,” she says, blowing out a ring of smoke.
“Nice to see you too, Mother.” I grab Hailee’s arm, pulling her toward her trailer.
“Don’t turn your back on me, you whore.”
I stop dead in my tracks and turn, staring down the woman who gave birth to me. She’s skin and bones. Her hair is dirty and lifeless, and I can tell even from a distance that her lipstick is smeared.
Good thing I became immune to her antics a long time ago.
“The only whore I see around here is you.”
Hailee pulls me forward.
“You were nothing but a mistake, Willow!”
“Make sure you have your johns wrap it before they tap it. Wouldn’t want to have any other mistakes now, would we?” I yell over my shoulder as we walk up the steps into Hailee’s place.
I follow her into her trailer. She gestures for me to sit on the couch.
“Home sweet home. We can watch a movie or something. We don’t have cable, but they have a VHS system and some old movies. Sheila says you can get them for pennies at the flea market.”
I chuckle. “I’m surprised they aren’t handing them over for free. VHS tapes are archaic.” I smile at her. “They are better than nothing though. Anything of value my mom sells. I think the only reason we even have a couch is because it’s so disgusting that no one wants it.”
“I’m sorry. That sounds terrible.” Hailee frowns.
“That’s life. I mean, look at you. You ended up here.”
She lets out a deep sigh. “God can be cruel sometimes.”
“God? I don’t believe in God. If he were real, then my life wouldn’t be so shitty. I mean, what could a newborn have done that was so bad to end up with a mother like mine?”
She gives me a sad smile. “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” She pauses. “Or so I’ve heard. Maybe your life up to this point has been preparing you for your future. Some destiny or plan that was set forth the moment you were born.”
“That’s a bold statement. I choose to believe that life is what you make it. My life isn’t on one decided upon path that is unwavering. I make choices every single day that change my direction.”
“I get that. We all make decisions that can change the course of our life. One decision may put you on a different path with many forks, but in the end, isn’t there always only one destination? We’re all going to die. Maybe the decisions we make are like a game board with many paths. If you take path A, you hop on a ladder bringing you farther up on the board closer to the end, but if you take path B? Maybe that path prolongs your life. Makes the ending seem longer.”
“Hell, that actually makes sense. What do you do in your free time? Study ancient philosophers?”
She chuckles. “Nothing like that. I guess I have a different view on life. I mean, take my parents, for example. Had they chosen to stay home instead of going out to dinner that night, maybe they would have a few more rungs on their ladder. They made that decision without knowing where that path would lead. I believe had they known, they wouldn’t have gone.”
“I don’t think anyone would choose the shorter ladder. Isn’t that the thing about humans? We fear our mortality more than anything else.”
“Is that what you fear?”
I think it over.
“I don’t think it’s death per se, but how death will take me. If it’s my time to go, I can only hope it will be a quick, painless end.”
“That’s understandable. I think everyone hopes their end is painless. Who would choose pain over peace?”
