“What are you doing here?”
I shouldn’t have come, but I can’t get her out of my head. After working out for a couple of hours, I finally went home and polished off a fifth of whiskey. It still didn’t help. If anything, it made it worse. I lay in bed for hours, tossing and turning. When that didn’t help either, I went for a jog.
I ended up here. I wasn’t going to wake her. I just needed to know she was okay by seeing it with my own eyes. I let myself into her place and stalked to her bedroom, trying to remain quiet.
There she was. The angel of my dreams. Sprawled out in her full-size bed. Her beautiful dirty blonde hair laid out around her like a halo. As I turned to leave, she whispered something in her sleep. Just a whisper, but to my soul, it was a command.
Come closer.
It taunted and tempted me until I was standing at the edge of the bed. I trailed my finger down her face, and she turned into my touch, taking comfort from it—from my hand that has killed many men in my lifetime and will kill even more. A hand that enjoys the hunt just as much as it enjoys the kill.
I should have left. I should have run far away from her. I should have protected her from this monster inside. Instead, I gave in to the song of the siren. I pulled my clothes off and slipped under the covers with her and pulled her body close to mine.
Home.
That one word echoed in the silence. I tightened my grip on her and she gasped. Turning in my embrace, those eyes that haunt me smiled in recognition. She was happy I’m here.
I don’t respond to her. Instead, I lower my lips to hers and kiss her. It’s a gentle kiss. A caress with my mouth. Showing her that I see her light and I respect it. My darkness craves it. When I pull away, she whispers to me.
“Is this a dream?”
I don’t speak. I’m afraid if I do, it will ruin the moment. This perfect moment. The moment when I relinquish some of the control I hold over my emotions. Only some of if it. If I let it all go, I will ruin this perfect angel.
I trail my hand over her naked body. She’s the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I knew the moment I met her that she would change me. Force her light upon me. I thought I was strong enough to resist. I thought I could stay away.
One kiss changed everything. I suppose some would say this was all predestined. I don’t believe in God or anything similar. When you have seen the shit I have, there is no way you could believe there is one single entity watching over us. If there was, why did they allow bad things to happen to good people? I could agree with abandoning people like me. People who have done wrong their entire lives. People who have taken other lives.
I never could understand how someone who is supposed to be so good could allow those same horrors to happen to those who are innocent. Those who live their lives on the good side. They do the right thing. They help others.
Like Mia.Mio piccolo angelo. She’s a perfect angel sent to Earth. Yet here she’s lying next to me. Or maybe I’m next to her since I did sneak into her house, her room. She’s here though. Put into the path of the devil himself. If there was a God, he would protect her from the likes of me. Give her a good life. A man who can treat her the way she deserves. Give her the American dream. Instead, she has me.
“What’s wrong, Lo? Tell me,” she whispers as my hands continue their exploration.
Everything.
I lean down and take her lips with mine once again. This kiss is still gentle, but I put some of the passion I feel for her behind it. I nip her bottom lip, and when she gasps, I press my tongue into her mouth. She moans, and I growl.
I will never be able to give Mia what she deserves. I will never be able to be there for her the way she needs me to be. What I can do is give her the one thing no one else has ever owned.
My heart.
She owns my heart. I will always protect her. I will always be there for her. I just cannot accept her heart in return. My tainted hands would crumble it in my grasp. I would break her, and I would never forgive myself. I can’t give her what she wants so desperately, but I can give her this parting goodbye. Something for her to remember. She will remember the night I gave her everything I had.
I roll over on top of her, and she spreads her legs and wraps them around my hips, pressing my bare erection into her center. I can feel the heat mixed with the wetness calling me. I kiss down the side of her neck as I thrust my hips forward through her wetness. I make sure I won’t penetrate. She needs her innocence.
I know the moment I hit her clit because her breathing hitches. I thrust again, and she moans.
“Please, Lo. I need to feel you inside me.”
I know she does. I need to feel it too. I would love nothing more than to claim her, but I deny myself the pleasure. She may hate me now for not giving her what she desires, but one day she will thank me.
I rock my hips again as I kiss down to her chest and take a nipple in my mouth. Her hands dig into my back as I continue to rock my hips into hers. The pain from her nails feels terrible and amazing at the same time.
Let her mark me. Claim me as hers. Let her scar me as a reminder of the time she was mine, and I will always be hers. Even if she never knows it.
We continue to rock for what seems like forever. An eternity. I would have stayed there as long as she let me. She pulls my head up to hers and kisses me. She kisses me like I’m her last breath. It only takes a few moments longer and she bites my lip as she orgasms. Two more strokes, and I spill my seed all over her stomach.
I taste the blood in my mouth from her bite.
