I run my hand down my face. She’s young, I remind myself. I know I’m pissed because of how that situation made me feel. How a fear unlike any other had overtaken me and made me feel out of control. Something I’m not used to. It had taken me back to my first memories in life. Ones I know I only have because the scene that unfolded in front of me when I was only a small boy is one you never forget.
My fear of anything happening to Cosima is unmatched even to that night. If I didn’t already think Cosima meant everything to me in this world, I for sure know now. I shouldn’t have screamed at her yesterday, but I’d apparently snapped.
The fear I’d felt, thinking she might be hurt or worse, tangled with the rush of emotion I had over her being safe, all exploded out of me. It was an out of body experience, like something else had taken over, coming from a deep, dark place inside of me. I can still feel it simmering inside of me, crawling to get out and to her. My eyes flick to the door, the urge to go to her and drag her back to my room stronger than ever before.
I flick on the light on my nightstand, grabbing my phone off it, checking it as I head toward the bathroom. There are a million missed alerts and messages, but one stands out from them all. My contact Bruce. Fuck me. Before I can respond, the phone is already going off in my hand.
“Zero,” he barks out the name I’m known by in the tech world into the phone, not helping my headache. All Bruce speaks in is barks. Military life was drilled into him.
“I’m here.” I don’t want to be. I want to be with her. What if I just took her? Then I would know she was always safe. We would simply disappear. I try to shake that thought loose. She’d hate me. Cosima loves her family. She’s so full of life, it’s one of the things I love about her.
“We need you in Kansas.” The motherfucker hangs up on me before I can respond, not that there is much to be said. If they need me now, and in the middle of what people think is Nowhere, Kansas, something big is happening. No other details are necessary to know that there is already a plane waiting for me.
This might not be a bad thing. If I lock myself up in Kansas, then I can lock Cosima away in one of my safehouses, keeping her all to myself. That idea is far too alluring, and the reality is it’s not the first time I’ve had it.
I pop a couple of pills for my headache before I hop into the shower, not fucking around. I quickly get dressed and shut down my system, taking a few servers offline. This is the last thing I want to deal with right now, but some space might do me good. I can get my head straight.
Sure, I could tell Bruce to go fuck himself, but then in a few days I’d find out the fallout of why they had needed me, which often means lives lost. If only I could be colder like War and not give a damn, but I know what it’s like to lose people, and often the people whose lives could be lost in whatever is going on are innocents.
Cosima would even hate that. She can be a tough little brat on the outside, but she’s pure sweetness inside. A sweetness I want to get lost in, and fucking hate when I see it given to anyone else, which is messed up in its own right, but I can’t stop those thoughts.
When I step out of my closet with a small packed bag, the bed catches my eye. The dream of the night before replays through my mind. I reach down and adjust my cock. Was it the alcohol that made this one feel so real? I don’t think I have ever drunk that much before.
Even now, I ache more than ever to go to Cosima. I cut those thoughts off, not letting my mind venture there. It never endswell. In fact, the things my imagination has been conjuring up to do to Cosima have only grown darker.
It will be good for everyone if I get out of here for a few days. I need to not only reel my anger in but my dick as well. Each time I see Cosima, it’s getting harder and harder to resist her. I need to figure my shit out.
I know what I’m fighting is inevitable, but she’s still so damn young. Not only in age but in life, at least when it comes to the world we live in. She has been very sheltered from the darkest parts of it.
Still, I don’t want to leave things the way they are at the moment. I hate the way I treated her. I grab a piece of paper, not trusting myself to talk to her in person. I’m still not sure what I would do, but fucking her is on the top of the list, and I’m sure she wants to gut me right now.
I scribbleI’m sorrydown, slipping it quickly under her door before I head out the back way, not wanting to run into anyone. I’ll send War a message when I’m in the air that I’ll be back in a few days. He might be pissed about it, but it’s that or kidnap and fuck his sister. I think that would piss him off more.
I hop on my bike but sit there for a second. I don’t want to leave. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. Cosima flashes through my mind, moaning my name, her fingers digging into me. I touch my shoulder in the same place. It felt so real, but it’s also not the first time I’ve had a wet dream about her. This is different. I think I am losing my grip on reality.
I know something has to change. I can’t keep going on this way. The more I try to keep my distance, which I’m shit at even when she’s a whole country away, the more my sanity and control slip away.
I’m becoming irrational and angry. It takes me back to when I was a small boy. I’d been filled with rage and anger at the lossof my parents. I would start fights with War and Ronan that would leave us all pretty bruised up and bloody.
Then Rochelle had Cosima. The first time I held her was the first sense of peace I’d felt since losing everything I’d ever known. She brought a sense of calmness to me that I needed.
The thought makes me smile, shaking my head. Even in the chaos that can be her, Cosima still fills me with that calm lightness. I changed after that day. I embraced the Marino family, becoming one.
Over the last year, I’ve felt that calmness leaving me, and yesterday has now sent me into a spiral. I have no clue how I’m going to handle it.
But I do know one thing: Cosima will always be mine.
Chapter Five
COSIMA
Calm down,I tell myself as I shove more items into my bag. It’s a stupid thing to tell myself. Calm isn’t really my style when I get worked up, and I’m all kinds of worked up now. The more I think about that stupid note, the madder I get. I don’t know where Z went, but he’s lucky I don’t know. I want to choke the hell out of him. He may be a lot taller than me, but I bet I could take him down if I really wanted to.
I still can’t believe he did this. When I feel the sting of tears in my eyes, I stop myself and focus back on my anger. Yes, I want to stay in that state of mind. I’m so not crying, not yet. Not until I get my shit together and get the hell out of this house. Once I’m on my flight with an ocean between him and me, I’ll let myself feel all the things. I just need to focus for now.
The problem is I can’t just up and leave. It’s not easy to come and go from the farm. The whole estate is surrounded by a massive stone wall that appears to be beautiful. That is until you’re trapped behind it.
It wraps around most of the property except for a section of thick woods that has motion detectors all over it. You don’t come and go from here without War or Z knowing. They are, after all,Z’s security and motion detectors. The man always knows where I am. Except now I have a secret weapon.
