"Yes, love." Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, and I know she's fighting a full-on smile. Likely because she thinks it's not the time for one. I pull her bottom lip out from between her teeth. "Don't mask your smiles from me, sweetness."
“It felt wrong.”
“It's not wrong when it’s us. Got it?” She nods her head, so I keep going. “That day?—”
“That I stabbed a man.” Cosima perks up. She is enjoying that far more than I would have thought, but Cosima loves her family and protects them fiercely. I’m sure that is why. She is also a Marino.
“Cosima."
“What? I did.” This time she doesn’t hide her smile, giving it to me.
“You did.” I can’t deny that. I have replayed the footage from the security cameras, watching the events unfold until we reached the girls. “It took me back to that night. That feeling inside of me.”
“Oh gosh.” Cosima covers her mouth with her hand. “I thought you were used to blood and things.”
“It’s not the blood, Cosima. It’s you. That feeling that I might be losing my whole world, and this time I knew I wouldn’t survive it.” Cosima stares at me, her eyes wide, and I already know where her mind might be going, and it’s my fault, so I don’t let it go there. “It’s you, Cosima; only you can make me feel that. No one else.”
It would cut deep if I lost anyone from the Marino family, but Cosima is different. She’s the reason I have stayed all along. Likely the reason I’m still alive and the anger and rage didn’t consume me. Instead she had.
"That's why you were so mad at me. You've never spoken to me that way before." Tears fill her eyes.
"I lost my shit," I agree. "Said shit I wish I could take back."
"Did things you wish you could take back." Her voice is almost a whisper when she says that part. I hate that that will be her first memory of us together. I made myself a promise that I will spend every day of my life making new ones with her.
"That night when I got back to the farm, I downed almost a full bottle of whiskey before I went barging into your brother's room by mistake, searching for you."
"You got drunk?"
"I was loaded. I ended up chucking the bottle at a piece of art in the hallway, outside of your brother's room."
"Holy crap, was he pissed?"
"Not really. Or at least when I apologized for it, he wasn't mad. That night was hazy."
"Tova has softened him some." She really has. It's interesting how much a person can change you. "Why were you searching for me? To yell at me again?"
"I have no clue what I would have done, but if I had to guess, I likely would have tied you up, spanked your ass, and then fucked the shit out of you till I passed out."
Cosima audibly swallows. "That sounds kind of hot." Fuck me.
"You're a handful." I tuck a piece of her blond hair behind her ear. "One that only I want to handle."
"It's hard to handle me when you take off."
"Harder, but not impossible."
"Yeah," Cosima says dryly. "I'm putting together just how much you have been pulling strings from behind the scenes while on a whole other continent."
“Does that bother you, Cosima? Or do you rather like the idea of me always watching you?” I watch her cheeks flush, telling me all I need to know. She really does enjoy me chasing her.
Cosima enjoys the idea of me stalking her, but I'm not sure she fully understands the depravity of it all.
Chapter Thirteen
COSIMA
“Yes, it does bother me.” I can’t help the tartness in my tone; it just comes out of me.
