I still don't have a damn clue what I'm going to say to her. The worst part is that fucking note. I'm sure she thinks I was apologizing for fucking her like an animal into her virgin cunt.
I run my hand down my face. This is bad. She’s obviously not only pissed but hurt as well. She may put on a tough exterior, but I know her heart. It kills me to think she is hurting because of me. Everything I have done has been crafted to not hurt her, to keep her safe. Now I’m the one who hurt her in a way I can never take back. I took a precious gift from her, and she thinks it meant nothing to me.
My mind replays what I thought had been a dream. What the hell is wrong with me? It's no wonder that when I woke up, I swore I could still smell and taste her. I thought I was goingcrazy, which is par for the course when it comes to me in regard to Cosima.
I adjust my cock that has been hard since I saw the blood on the sheets, which is fucked up in its own right. I should feel shame for how I took her and how I acted the next day. How I slipped out of the house without a word.
My dick doesn't give a fuck how it happened; it only wants it to happen again and again. Okay, not only my dick but fuck me. Cosima's first time should have been sweet and handled with care. There should have been candles and rose petals and whatever shit you do.
But she let me do all those things to her, didn't even fight me or run that mouth of hers that drives me crazy in more ways than one. Even when she's pissing me off, she's making me hard. Everything about her was made for me.Isperfect for me.
I lock down my shit, even pulling my hard drives out and putting them into my safe before I head out. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, and for all I know, I might not be welcome back once everyone finds out about these feelings I’ve been harboring all this time for Cosima. They may no longer look at me the same way as they used to. Cosima is actually their flesh and blood. I’m only a boy they’d taken in out of pity.
"You." Tova's eyes narrow on me when I step out of my bedroom. "You're back." She doesn’t sound happy about that. Normally Tova is on the softer, sweeter side, even a bit meek at times.
"Only grabbing a few things." I lift my bag to show her.
"Whatever." Tova rolls her eyes, turning to leave.
"Hey," I call after her. If she's pissed at me, it has to be over Cosima. The two of them have gotten close. Tova ignores me and keeps on walking. I have to run to catch up with her. "You're pissed at me."
"You drove Cosima away."
"I know."
Tova stops walking. "So you admit it?"
"I fucked up, and I'm not sure what to do about it."
"What you need to do is get your shit together. The two of you can't keep bickering and being pissed at each other." If only it were so simple.
"There is more to it."
"Okay." She shrugs. "Then leave her alone and let her move on." Tova starts walking again.
Neither of those things will happen,ever. She’s mine. She gave her innocence to me, and I gave mine to her. Though mine wasn’t innocent at all. There will never be another for her or for me. The idea of her moving on enrages me. I fist my hand, taking a breath before I follow after Tova again.
“She’s not moving on.”
“So there is something to move on from?” Tova casts a glance my way that’s wrapped in a smirk.
"Stop talking about moving on," I grit out, trying to keep my temper in check. That has never been a problem for me. Out of War, Ronan, and myself, I've always been the calmer and more laid-back one. Or I presented that, but I was merely better at hiding my reactions.
"Why should I? It's pissing you off, and well"—she spins to face me when we hit the bottom of the stairs, putting her hands on her hips—"I'm pissed off at you, so I’m happy to make you pissed off too."
"She told you." Tova is always soft and sweet. I’m not used to getting her anger. I swear she and War are rubbing off on each other.
"No one had to tell me." This right here is part of what I've been trying to avoid. Cosima and I together will cause issues. It's already happening. “You were more overbearing and controlling to her than her brothers.”
“Some people see me as her brother.” Another one of the many issues at play here. “And you’re not supposed to fuck your sister.”
Tova’s brows rise, her eyes going wide. “You two had sex?”
Well, shit. I guess I’m not the only one getting that bit of news.
“She didn’t tell you that?” Tova shakes her head, admittedly, but I can see the hurt in her expression. Fucking hell. I’m messing this shit up every which way.
“I thought she took off because you screamed in her face and then started throwing things around. Everyone is always saying maybe she should go back to Europe.” Tova shakes her head. “You ever think she doesn’t like it there? That she wants to be here?”
