I don’t think I even breathe before I lean in and press my lips to his. His hands loosen on my face when I kiss his lips for the first time.
He’s frozen at first, maybe in shock or something, but I don’t let go. I keep pressing my lips to his, softly kissing me, my shoulders deflating when he doesn’t move.
But just as I’m about to pull away, a low groan escapes Chris’s throat when he opens up and kisses me back.
He’s kissing me back.
Chris iskissingme.
His hand tightens on my face, tilting my head back slightly. “Gabi,” he murmurs between kisses, his voice laced with pain. “Wait. Fuck. What are you doing?”
I shake my head, pausing to breathe as I grasp the back of his head, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. “I don’t know,” I mumble against his lips.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what will happen when this ends, or tomorrow. All I know is that I want this. Right now, right here. I want him.
He hums, pulling back from the kiss. “Gabi. You’re drunk.”
I shake my head again, my eyes heavy with desire, wanting to kiss him again. “I’m not,” I murmur, leaning in again, but Chris stops me, his grip firm as my eyes lift to meet his.
“You are,” he says, his lips pressed into a thin line. His brows furrow, and a flicker of sadness passes over his face as he brushes his thumb across my cheek. “You don’t know what you’re doing,” he murmurs. “You don’t want to do this.”
What if I do?
I don’t say that, though.
Being rejected once is enough for me.
My shoulders sag, and I pull away, turning to wipe my eyes. “You’re right,” I say, trying hard not to make my voice crack. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“It’s fine,” Chris murmurs, his breath heavy. He tugs on my arm, turning me back to face him until our eyes meet. “You were sad, and drunk, and...fuck.” He squeezes his eyes shut, pulling at his hair. “Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”
I nod, sniffling as he pulls me down onto the bed. “You’ll stay?” I ask, desperately hoping I haven’t ruined everything. I need him now more than ever.
“Yeah,” he assures me, lying down beside me and pulling me close, my head resting against his neck,my safe place. “I’ll stay.”
I close my eyes, snuggling closer to him, feeling his fingers begin to trace gentle patterns along my back. My eyelids are heavy with exhaustion, and I must be dreaming when I imagine his fingers spelling out:
I love you.
Chapter 26
I dare you to kiss me
“I kissed you.”
A heavy breath leaves my lips. “You did.”
I can’t stop thinking about that night. I was drunk, and fucked up over spending the whole night watching the girl I love in the arms of some other guy. I wanted her so bad that I didn’t even stop her when she leaned in and kissed me. I let her. I kissed her back and got lost in her, starving for a taste of heaven when I’d been denied it for years.
But it wasn’t long until the rational part of my brain took over, and I stopped it. I pulled my lips away from hers, realizing she was only kissing me because she was drunk, and sad. Sad about her mom, sad about being dumped the night of the prom.
She didn’t want me.
She just wantedsomebody.
And I really wish I could have been that someone for her, but I couldn’t. It would have hurt too fucking much. So I pulled away, tucked her into me, and waited until she fell asleep before crawling out of her bedroom window.
“And you kissed me back,” she says, her eyebrows dipping. I can see the memory of that night flooding back to her like a hurricane, and I can’t do anything to stop it.
