Their gazes all settle on me, and I let out a deep exhale. “I’m kind of in love with him?”
“Wait, love?” Madi asks, her eyes widening with surprise.
“For how long?” Rosalie chimes in, her eyes brimming with curiosity.
“Sometimes it feels like I’ve been in love with him forever,” I admit, slumping back against the wall. “But I think I realized it senior year of high school.”
“That long?” Madi asks, her eyebrows raised.
I nod, a frown forming on my lips. “He left, and I felt so lonely, and so sad,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut. “I tried to convince myself I just needed to move on, and be with other people. But…” I pause, opening my eyes and looking down at the drink in my hand. “There’s just no moving on. Not from him.”
It’s always going to be Chris.
“How do you know he doesn’t feel the same?” Madi asks. “If you just talked to him—”
“No,” I interrupt, shaking my head. “I’m not doing that. I’m not ruining everything between us for a stupid crush.”
“Gabi.” Her eyes soften, and she reaches out, tugging on my hand. “It’s not just a crush.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I tell her, ripping my hand away. “I’m not ruining our friendship. Chris means everything to me, and if this is the only way I can have him, then so be it.”
Madi sighs, nodding, but then she tilts her head. “And you’re okay with that?”
Am I okay with pretending like my heart doesn’t beat every second of the day for him? Am I okay with eventually watching him date someone, make a life with them while I silently harbor these feelings?No. “There’s nothing more I can do,” I say instead. “Besides, he’s leaving again soon. There’s no point.”
“What about what happened yesterday?” Leila asks. “There’s no way you guys can just go back to normal after that.”
I feel a knot form in my stomach. I sure can’t. Every second of what happened yesterday still lingers in my mind, and I don’t think I’ll forget it anytime soon. But this morning, when Chris woke me up, he acted like it never even happened. We talked, we joked, we played games like we always do.
I pour back the contents of my cup, and hold out the bottle. “Drink.”
“Gabi.”
“Please,” I gulp. “I need to forget for a bit.”
Rosie snatches the bottle from my hand, pouring its contents into a cup before downing it in one gulp. Her face contorts with disgust at the taste, but she manages a smile. “I haven’t been drunk in a long time,” she says, chuckling.
I return her smile, and before I know it, Madi grabs the bottle and follows suit. “I’m only having this one drink,” she insists with narrowed eyes.
Chapter 15
Drunken confessions
“Honey! I’m home.” Gabi’s slurred voice echoes through the dark room.
Blinking, I tear my eyes away from the TV as Gabi walks inside.
Maybe ‘walks’ is the wrong word.
She sways against the door, managing to close it before tripping and dropping to the ground.
“Gabi?”
“Obviously,” she replies, with a scoff. “Were you expecting anyone else?”
When she mentioned going to a party with her friends tonight, I stayed home, just waiting for her. I paced the apartment all night, wishing time would speed up so I could see her again.
And the later it got, the more I was worried sick about her possibly hooking up with someone tonight. The thought made my stomach churn, and I did even more pacing, checking my phone to confirm that—yep—she was still at the party. I know eventually I’ll have to face the reality of her dating someone, but I’m just not ready for it yet.
