“Then?” His voice grows thick.
“He saw a text from a guy on my phone.” I shake my head, still remembering that day. How scared I was. Howweakhe made me. “He was just my science partner, but he thought something was going on, and I was seeing someone behind his back, so he smashed my phone, and to teach me a lesson, he shoved me in his closet.”
“What?” Lucas’s eyes narrow on mine.
More tears spill down my cheeks, but I force myself to breathe. “He pushed a chair against it so I couldn’t get out. I don’t even know how long I was in there for. I was terrified. It was cold and dark, and I couldn’t call anyone. I had no other company other than myself.”
“Fuck,” Lucas curses. “So, when you were in the elevator?”
I lift my head to look at Lucas, seeing his eyes wet, and it breaks me in half. I nod, forcing myself to continue. “And then, when the doors opened, he asked if I had learned my lesson. And I apologized,” I continue. “I told him I was sorry for talking to someone without telling him.” Lucas shakes his head, shivering in my arms as I continue. “He made me believe it was my fault.”
“Fuck,” Lucas curses, tightening his hold on me. “This is killing me.” His voice cracks and it makes me break down, more tears spilling down my face.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Fuck that,” he says. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” He wipes away my tears with his thumb. “That fucker is the one who’s going to have to be sorry.”
“He let me go home later that day,” I continue. “But I must have been in there overnight because my parents were worried sick when I finally got home.” I shake my head. “I lied to them,” I tell him. “I told them I stayed over at a friend’s house. I protected him, even after he did that to me. I still haven’t told them.” I blow out a breath. “The next day, he acted like nothing had happened, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t act like that was normal because I knew that if I had stayed with him, he would be taking his anger out on me instead of the furniture.”
“So what happened?” Lucas asks.
“As soon as I saw him again, I told him I wanted to break up. He yelled and made a scene in front of everyone. He grabbed my face so hard and kissed me, promising me it wouldn’t happen again. I was so embarrassed, I almost took him back just to shut him up.” Lucas’ breath stills. “But I didn’t,” I clarify. “I kept my distance, and blocked his number until he eventually moved on to someone else.”
“I’m so fucking glad you left him,” Lucas says, pressing his lips against my forehead.
“I regret not leaving him sooner, but… I guess we accept the love we think we deserve,” I say, wiping away the tear trickling down my face. “And he made me think I deserved to be treated that way for way too long until I realized it wasn’t worth it. I told myself that if that’s what love was, then I didn’t want it. That’s why I didn’t want a boyfriend. I didn’t want to be that weak ever again.”
Lucas lifts my chin up to look at him. “You are not weak,” he says, and even though his eyes are wet from tears, they’re turned to stone. “And that was not love. You are so fucking strong. Stronger than I ever thought possible, and he was a manipulative, abusive motherfucker who…” Lucas squeezes his eyes closed, and when he opens them, they’re filled with anger. “What’s his name?” he asks.
“What?” I raise my hand to wipe away my tears.
“His name, Madeline,” he asks again. “I’m not kidding. I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“He’s not worth it,” I tell him, knowing I’ve been in his position so many times before. How many times did I want to find him and throw a punch in his face? How many times have I thought about that night and the many others after that? Howmany times did I blame myself for what happened, for not saying no again?
“Damn right, he’s not,” Lucas says. “But you’re dead wrong if you think I’m going to let him get away with it.”
“Lucas, it’s been five years.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me. “There’s no statute of limitations. I’m going to teachhima fucking lesson.”
“You can’t.”
“Why not.”
“Because he’s in prison,” I tell him. “Turns out I wasn’t the only girl that he liked to overpower.” My parents never found out we dated, but they had told me freshman year of college that he had gone to prison, and while I was relieved, all I wanted to do was tell them that it happened to me, too. That I was hiding something from them. But I couldn’t.
Lucas shakes his head, cradling my face in his hands. “Fuck, Mads. That isn’t good enough. He deserves worse for what he did to you.”
“I’m okay,” I tell him. “My parents made me go to therapy after Nia’s death, and I told her about him. I actually… told her about you, too.”
“You did?” he asks, with a smile on his lips.
I nod. “She said she’s proud of me for getting over the hurdle of never wanting to date ever again.” I breathe out a sigh. “I was so stuck on what he had done to me and who he had turned me into that I was actively putting every other guy in the same box.” I glance at him. “Including you.”
“And now?” Lucas asks, swallowing harshly. “Do you still feel that way?”
I shake my head, my heart drumming three little words. “I feel safe with you.”
