“I’ve given you everything!” I shout into the phone. “I’ve given you everything I had. I have nothing else to give. Nothing.” I run a hand down my face. “I should have done this a long time ago. I should have cut you off the minute I got away from you.”
“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” My brother replies, venom coating his tone. “You’ll do as I say or—”
“Or what?” I ask him, gritting out the words. “You have nothing on me. You and Mom have been punishing me for doing what none of you had the courage to do. I left, I fucking escaped that hell hole and now I have a good life, without any of you.”
The more I speak, the lighter my body feels. I’ve been holding onto their dead weight for so long, wanting to make it right between us, wanting us to reconnect and be a real family even if I lost everything but what is the point? None of them would do the same for me. They spent my whole life beating me down—literally and figuratively—and I am fucking sick of it.
“Tell Mom I love her.” I swallow down the emotions clogged in my throat. “I know she hates me but I will always love her. Tell her if she wants to get sober—really sober—then I will help her. Take her to a facility, find a professional, whatever she needs but I will never give any of you money again.”
My brother scoffs on the other end. “The offer stands for you too,” I tell him. “And for Cam when he gets out of jail.” My voice softens when I hear silence on the other end. He isn’t yelling… that’s a start. “I will always help you, but I won’t let you guys use and abuse me anymore.”
When he doesn’t answer, I let out a breath and hang up the phone. I’ve said what I needed to say, and if he’s not happy with it, there’s nothing I can do about it. When I stuff my phone in my pocket, my hand grazes against cold plastic. My eyes close, knowing exactly what’s in my pocket and I take it out, looking over the picture of us both with green faces, my lips against hers in a kiss I can still feel.
She hasn’t answered any of my texts, she’s probably blocked me, removed me from her life, but I can’t do the same. She’s so wrong about it all. She doesn’t know how much she means to me, how I can’t think of a world where I’m not with her. She’s ruined me for everyone else.
My thumb runs over her face in the picture. So goddamn beautiful. I had everything right here, and I lost it.
I sigh, stuffing my phone back into my pocket and head towards the kitchen, opening the fridge.
“You’re out of your room.” I turn around and see Grayson leaning against the door, arms crossed over his chest. His brows sit so high on his forehead, his shock almost makes me laugh.
I face away from him, grabbing the cheese and lettuce, out of the fridge. “I went to the gym.” I grab the bread from the counter, placing the cheese on it. “Left early.”
“Why?”
Annoyance nips at me, my jaw clenching as I take a bite of the sandwich. “She was there.”
He nods, pressing his lips together. “Did you talk to her?”
I don’t bother replying, turning my back and opening the fridge again. I reach for the Diet Coke, my eyes flashing back and forth to the six-pack of beer sat in there. My fingers itch, the urge to grab it and see what it tastes like so strong it’s almost hard for me to stop myself. My hand twitches, getting closer to the cans.
“Don’t do it.”
Grayson’s voice snaps me out of the quick fascination with wanting to know what it would be like. Just once. Would I feel better? I grab the Diet Coke, close the door behind me, and turn back around. I crack the can open and stare down at it to avoid looking at Grayson. “What do you mean?” I feign ignorance, taking a sip.
“Aiden,” he says again in a tone that makes me feel guilty as fuck. “It’s not worth it.”
I place the can down on the counter, my eyes squeezing shut. Fuck, what did I just almost do? “I just don’t want to hurt anymore.” My voice cracks when I bury my head in my hands. “I want it to stop.” I press the palm of my hands to my eyes. “It hurts all the time.”
“Drinking is not going to solve it.”
I lift my head, peering at my best friend. It wasn’t that long ago that he was in the same position I was in. Heartbroken and wanting the pain to go away. “Remind me how you reacted,” I tell him, nudging my head to the beer on the counter. “Last year with Rosie.”
He sighs, shaking his head. “I get it, man, I do. I turned to alcohol because I couldn’t control my feelings. I didn’t understand what was going on, but you’re not me. You’re better than this.”
“No, I’m not.” Every bitter word and thought burning my body with the admission. “It’s ingrained in my fucking DNA, Grayson.” I press a hand to my chest, pressing it hard against the muscle that won’t stop beating, hurting. “I’m destined to be a fuck up. She just realized that sooner.” My eyes drop at the mention of Leila.
She looked so good today, but her smile was missing. That smile that she spent so long before allowing me to see. I did that. I took that happiness away trying to protect my family, my reputation. So stupid, so futile.
“That’s not what happened,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me. “And you know it.”
I don’t know anything. “Then what happened?” I ask him, shaking my head. “Fucking tell me because I’m at a loss here.” I press my fingertips to my chest. “I love her and I fucking lost her.”
“You hurt her,” he says. “You did the one thing I told you not to do. I warned you to make sure you knew what you were doing.”
The weight of his words hit me like a semi-truck. How many times did he tell me not to hurt her, to step away and leave her alone? I should have listened. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her and let Jordan release those pictures.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay away. The more time I spent with her, the more intrigued I was. And the short moment I had her was the happiest I have ever been. It was worth it. It was worth all of this heartbreak for one second of her time, her affection.
