I don’t know why I am writing this. Maybe it’s because if I don’t, I might break. Even though you will never see these words, I need to feel you here with me. You think dying of a terminal disease would be enough. Now I’m embroiled in a rebellion, there’s a price on my head, I’m seeing ghosts, I’m no closer to a cure, and to top it all off, I’ve got some kind of fated bond to allsevensix of the beast princes.
I’m not sure I can face all of this on my own. I’m not strong like you. You’ve always had a hope for the future that I could never understand. Maybe because mine was stolen by death himself, a long time ago. Now, eternal rest seems like the easy way out rather than facing it all.
I wish you were here with me. To tell me that no matter what, it’ll all work out. Because even though I’m surrounded by these princes—who claim that, by some miracle of destiny, we’re fated to be together—I feel so uncertain.
Before, it was foolish to fantasize about love. But now that there’s a chance, I think I may be too afraid to take it. The way I feel when I’m with them… it’s like being entranced by a flame. It’s beautiful and warm. But if I get too close, will I be burned in the end?
If I’m meant to die young, loving them now will only make it harder to accept. I’m getting ahead of myself, because none of it is real. Their affections are nothing but a trick of the Divine. A notion of love forced upon them, and it could break on a celestial whim. I’ll never know if they truly love me?—
“I don’t believe that’s the case at all.”A familiar voice intruded into my thoughts, and I jumped.
“Lucius? Is that you?” I whispered, looking around my little sanctuary, but there was no noise save for the rushing water of the river.
A hearty chuckle echoed in my head.“Try again. I’ll give you a hint—I’m far more handsome than my brother.”
My mind reeled. It had already been disconcerting when Lu had spoken in my mind, and now there was another one of them in my head?
“Who is this?” I called out, clutching the letter I’d just written to my chest in a ridiculous attempt to conceal the words from my mental intruder.
“I thought you were smarter than that, Michaela. What would your governess think?”
“Finn?”
“The one and only. No need to hide that letter of yours. I already know what you’re thinking. And you’re wrong.”
Fuck. That was Finn’s power. He could read my thoughts. But how the hell was he in my head? Was I going mad? Had the cancer finally addled my mind? That seemed to make the most sense. I’d seen Gunner’s ghost, and now I was hearing voices from Finn—who could very well be dead.
I should have opted for the sprite ash.
“You’re not going crazy. And I’m not dead!”
“Stop that! Has anyone ever told you it’s rude to read other people’s thoughts?”I chided, feeling more vulnerable than ever knowing my mind could betray me.
“Most people never know I’m there. But with you, it’s a two-way connection. And since I convinced one of the guards to delay our daily dose of wolfsbane, I couldn’t help myself. Beats staring blankly at this cell wall.”
“I don’t know how you’re in my head but… thank God you’re alive.”A wave of relief washed over me.
“And here I was thinking you didn’t care. Now, be a good girl and close your eyes. I want to show you something.”
I hesitated, still questioning my sanity.
“Don’t be a brat. Do as I ask.”
I rolled my eyes, letting my annoyance burn hot so Finn got the point, before doing as he asked. When I closed my eyes,it was as though I had blinked and everything changed. One minute I was at the river’s edge—and now, I was back home in London.
My bedroom looked exactly as it had when I was a child. Before I’d gotten sick and they’d moved in all the medical equipment. I’d thought of it often. This had been the place of so many happy memories. A time before the world tried its best to break me.
I reached out in awe, touching the cream-colored wallpaper and tracing the small pink flowers I’d loved so much. Light filtered in through the frilly curtains. And there, standing next to my four-poster bed, were Finn and Hunter.
“How is this possible?” I asked, turning around and inhaling the comforting scent of my mother’s perfume, still lingering in the air.
“I’ve seen this place in your thoughts before. I ventured that it might be a good place for us to talk. Hunter created the visual. I provided the memory.” He picked up my teddy bear, still nestled among the pillows on my bed, and raised an eyebrow at me.
“Am I dreaming?” I asked hesitantly, waiting for the visions of Hunter and Finn to confirm that I was, indeed, mad. But there was no hint this was a dream. I’d been wide awake only moments before.
“Do you like it?” Hunter asked with a hopeful look.
That was all I needed to give in to the delusion. I was desperate to feel at home again.
