The simple part didn’t stick, but everything I said was true. I’m fully aware of my absolute word vomit. Yeah, it’s babbling overkill, and I said it all too fast, but I don’t know how to do this shit. I just know how to want her. It’sallI know right now.
“And just for the record,” I continue rambling, “I know this isn’t an equal situation. I’m no good for you in a lot of ways. You’re incredible, and maybe you’re better off with someone else. Someone with seven degrees and a savings account.”
“Tripp.”
“Or shit, someone with a clear plan for the future. I don’t have that, but I can still try. I’ll try?—”
“Tripp.” She nearly shouts in my face, and I stop speaking for long enough to catch my breath. “Stop talking now.”
“Okay,” I sigh.
“I need to ask you something important.”
I nod.
“The way you were with women in the past—” she starts, and I instantly freeze. “Was it a coping mechanism? Or do you still think you’d rather have casual hookups without committing to anything because you just prefer it?”
“I don’t know.” I blow out a breath as the lie slips out. I do know. I think for a moment and backpedal to honesty. “It was a control thing. I call the shots where no-strings sex is concerned. Fun and easy until—well, until it’s not anymore. But even if it was a bad habit, or sleazy sometimes, I think it made accepting all the other parts of my life I never had control over more manageable. Less maddening.”
Her expression softens, and I feel like we’ve backtracked. She deserves to know my answer, though. I’d be terrified of my history with girls if I were her, too.
“I don’t feel like that anymore,” I add.
“You don’t? Changing what you want doesn’t make you feel like you’re settling in some way? Like you wish you could still do the casual thing?”
“No.” I shake my head and try not to reach up and hold her face. “I don’t feel that way. Not with you.”
“You promise?” I nod again, and she gives me a closed-lip smile. “I’m not concerned with the way you used to be. We all have a past, and I’ve changed a lot recently, too . . . We both have, it seems. I just wanted to know a little more about it.” She shrugs. “That’s all.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, Mace. Anything.”
“Good.” She pauses to point a finger at me. “And by the way, don’t tell me I’d be better off with someone else when I know good and well what’s best for me is what I already have.”
“Sorry.” My hands find her hips again. I can’t help it, I have to touch her. “I know.”
“Do you?You’rewhat I have. I’m saying I think what’s best for me right now isyou, Tripp.”
She is? My eyes widen, and I almost sit up. Sheis.
“Oh,” I say with a smile.
“Did you really mean everything you just said?” Her voice is quiet again, and I know she’s still a little reluctant.
“Of course I did. I’m scared as shit,” I admit with a chuckle. “But I still meant every word.”
“Two terrified, horny ex-friends who have never been in a successful relationship before. What could go wrong?” Mesa jokes.
I take one of her hands and lift it toward my face so that I can kiss her inner wrist.
“I’ll get started right away on your drawer at my place. And I think you’re supposed to start calling me honey and kiss me in front of our friends,” I say with a laugh, but I’m only half-joking.
“Easy, cowboy.”
“Kidding. Kind of.”
She laughs, but her brows are still drawn together. I kiss her wrist again, and it seems to relax her a bit.
“What is it, Mace?”
