“Oh, Willow, you have been through so much lately, and you haven’t let yourself actually feel it.”
“Feel it? Who wants to feel having an ex find you and threaten your life?” And that sets off another wave of tears.
“This isn’t about want. It’s about processing.”
I wipe my eyes. “How did you get so smart about this stuff?”
She arches a brow. “I wouldn’t call it smart. Just something I have to do to get by. Like this job suspension issue. I’m angry as hell about it. But I can’t go around yelling at everyone or punching walls.”
I laugh. “I can’t imagine you punching anything.”
She holds up her fists. “Don’t underestimate these guns.” She runs one hand over the other bicep, which causes me to laugh harder.
“This is what I was trying to explain to Durango, but I didn’t say it right.”
She grabs a pillow and hugs it as she sits next to me on the bed. “Did you say those words to him? That he’s not dealing with it?”
“Not exactly, but I did ask him to consider going to therapy.”
“Oh.” She looks away.
“What?”
She turns back and looks at me for a moment, as if trying to figure out how to break bad news to me. “Well, Durango just went through a lot, and from what I could see, his first thought was your safety. Of course, he hasn’t had a chance to deal with anything yet.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not just today. He’s different than he used to be.”
“I think Durango likely holds things close to his chest because he has to. Or maybe it’s how he’s built. But you said he’s a former Navy SEAL, right? Think about that for a minute.”
I stare at her, and she stares back as if, by doing this, some light bulb is going to come on above me.
“Okay, but that may mean he has more to deal with than the average person,” I say.
“Or he may have a different way of dealing with things. He probably can’t even say half of what he’s seen, so what good would going to a therapist do?”
I stand up and take my used tissues to a small garbage bin in the corner. “So, you’re saying because his work is secretive, he shouldn’t see a therapist?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” She frowns. “Why do you want him to go?”
“So he’ll open up to me,” I say without thinking.
“But you two aren’t even technically dating yet. Do you think he should have opened up by now?”
It’s a fair question. “Samantha, he’s different than he used to be. When he was in his twenties, he seemed lighter and more open. Something has changed.”
“Of course something has changed; he’s older now. He has likely seen a lot of things that have affected him over the years. Tell me, are you the same person you were in your twenties?”
“No, I was immature and didn’t think things through.”
She nods. “Could this be about something else?”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe you’re feeling vulnerable because you’ve shown him parts of you that you’d rather keep hidden. Now you want him to do the same.”
I grab another tissue as my eyes tear up again.
“See, that’s it. Unless…”
