Then he turns and pins me with his gaze. Those hazel eyes are filled with so much pain. But I can’t stop mine from falling to his lips. Those full lips I remember I could never get enough of. I’ve never met a man with such nice lips.
“Luce,” he murmurs, and I startle as I move my gaze back to his eyes. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Tell me why you left. After the graduation ceremony, you were supposed to meet me at Suzie’s party. When you didn’t show, I went home, thinking you’d be waiting there for me, but you weren’t. Then I got your voicemail. All it said was you’d decided to enlist instead of going to Havenwood. We had plans, and you threw them away without any explanation.”
I close my eyes as I relive that night. His voicemail was short, no explanation. No ‘I love you’.
“Was it all a lie?” I ask. “Did you ever love me? Is that why you left?”
Damn traitorous tears. I swore I’d never cry in front of him, but the memories are too much. I can’t hold them off.
Cody reaches for my hand. I stare as he engulfs it in his own huge grip. “Don’t you think for one moment that I didn’t love you. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved,” he admits.
I dare to look into his eyes. They’re glassy as he implores me to believe him.
“Then why would you leave?” I press. “We were supposed to go to Havenwood together, and then after college, we were going to get married. We had everything planned out. I thought you wanted that?”
He turns away from me and leans back in his seat. “I did.”
“Then help me understand what happened.”
He lets out a breath. “Remember when my mom was in that car accident shortly before graduation?”
“Yes.”
“I was at home when I got the call. My last final was scheduled for that morning. But when the hospital called and said my mom was there… ” He swallows. “I went to the hospital instead. My mom was in surgery, it was touch and go, and I missed the final.”
I squeeze his hand. “You had a very good reason for missing it.”
He laughs. “I thought so. I even had a note from the emergency room doctor who worked on my mom. But Mr. Hackle wouldn’t let me take the test. He refused. I spent that last week before graduation doing everything I could. I went to the principal, but he said he must abide by Mr. Hackle’s decision.”
I furrow my brows, dumbfounded. “You didn’t get to take the test? But your mom was in surgery. What were you supposed to do?”
Everyone knew Mr. Hackle was an asshole, but surely, he wouldn’t have condemned a student for this?
“He gave me an F for the final exam which put my final class grade at a D.” He shrugs. “That meant I didn’t meet the requirements for the football scholarship. The coach had been very clear, I had to get a B or better in each class.”
Cody couldn’t afford Havenwood without that scholarship; we both knew it. That was why he’d worked his ass off to get it.
“Did you try to explain to the university what happened?”
His thumb traces circles on the back of my hand. “I tried. I tried everything. But the university said they had strict rules regarding the scholarships, and if they made an exception for me, they’d have to make an exception for everyone.”
“Bullshit.”
“Yeah, that’s how I felt too. But once I knew I couldn’t go to Havenwood… I didn’t have any options. I couldn’t even afford community college. I hadn’t applied for any financial aid because I thought I had the scholarship.”
I yank my hand away. “And you never told me what was going on. Why?”
“At first, I thought I’d get to take the test, so there was no point worrying you with that. Plus, you knew how talking about things stressed me out back then.”
I nod.
Getting him to open up had been hard. He’d kept everything close to his chest, until one day, I found him on his porch nearly hyperventilating. That was when he finally told me everything about his mom. She’d be gone for days at a time on some binge, so Cody worked odd jobs to earn enough money to feed him and his sister and keep the rent paid.
I held him that day as he told me how exhausted he was. How he was happy that his sister was able to spend most of her time at her best friend’s house, because it took away the guilt he felt about going away to college.
“I had no options, and I knew if I stayed in town, working those odds jobs to stay afloat, I’d never get anywhere. I’d never be good enough for you. When I lost that scholarship, I knew I’d lost you too.” A tear falls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away.
