She waits for me to say what it is.
“A long time ago, I dated someone. Well, more than dated. I fell in love with her. But I had to leave, and I asked her to come with me. She said no. We were over before we could really begin.”
I stand up and walk to the only window in the room. “I’ve never forgotten about her. I’ve tried, and I can’t. Recently, I saw her again.”
“How did you feel when you saw her?”
I turn to her. “Hurt, happy, angry, confused. A lot of things. She’s married. I’ve tried to date, but I can’t stop comparing everyone to her. It’s driving me crazy.”
“Now that she’s married, can you let her go?”
I should be able to, but that’s just it; I can’t. And it’s worse now. “No. Seeing her brought back all those old feelings. I don’t know how to let them go.”
“Maybe letting them go isn’t the solution. Maybe you need to learn to live with them.”
I blink a few times. Learn to live with them? Well, that’s shit advice. “No. I don’t want to. I’ve tried for twelve years. It doesn’t work.”
Her eyes widen. “Twelve years? That is a long time, but when it comes to love, you don’t always get a choice of who you love or when.”
Great, she sounds like a damn fortune cookie. I sit back on the couch.
“It sounds like seeing her again triggered you. And discovering she is married… Sometimes it helps to surround yourself with friends at times like these. Instead of focusing on her, focus on others.”
Although my plans for the rest of the day might paint a different picture, I really have tried to focus on anything else. I spoke with Piper, Davenport, and Ozzie from the hospital. Reed checked in on me, too. Thunder, Lightning, and Axel are on assignment; otherwise, they would be calling, as well.
“Based on that frown, I’m guessing you’ve tried that already. Let me ask you this: have you thought about her more since you were buried alive?”
“Yes.” I leave out that I was buried by her brother and another man, and it was after crashing her dad’s funeral.
She smiles. “You went through a traumatic event. And instead of dealing with the fact you were almost killed, your mind is focusing on a different traumatic event. Maybe one that you have already been dealing with. Something your brain believes it can handle.”
I blink. No, that’s not it at all, but based on the knowing look on her face, she’s convinced it is.
“I’m supposed to see you each day for the next four days,” she says.
“You are?” I guess I hadn’t asked how many sessions Brian had scheduled.
“Yes, and now that we know you are displacing your fears, we can discuss more tomorrow about how to notice whenever you do that and what to do instead.”
Yeah, I’m not doing that.
“I think if you make enough progress in the next couple of days, I should be able to sign off on your back-to-work plans.”
“Back-to-work plans?”
She tilts her head. “Didn’t your boss,” she turns to her computer and stares at the screen for a moment, “Reed, tell you?”
I shake my head, not sure I want to hear whatever she’s about to say.
“He said you are to keep seeing me until I find you fit to go back to work.”
That doesn’t sound like Reed. But it does sound like my brother. And I’m guessing he didn’t tell me about this because he knows I’ll be pissed. But since I want her to sign the papers, I simply smile. “I wasn’t aware.”
She stands. “Don’t worry about it. I think we’re on the right track. I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time.”
I guess that’s our time. I stand and head straight to my brother’s office. He’s not expecting me, nor will he be expecting me to accuse him of impersonating Reed to my therapist. But I know that’s what happened.
I step off the elevator onto his floor as a woman steps on. She’s staring down at her phone, but it hits me instantly. I spin to face her.
