It should make me happy. I wanted to break her, to make her hurt like she’d done to us.
But suddenly, the victory wasn’t as sweet as it’d looked when my dick wasn’t buried in the only girl I’d ever loved, activelyhurting her with the same thing that we’d once shared in our mutual love.
Fuck, I was a prick.
My balls tensed up as she reached down and touched herself, legs wrapped around my waist in invitation, pulling me deeper as she clenched around me and closed her eyes, a fresh wave of tears staining the sheets beneath her cheeks as her hips canted in my direction. The move was so perfect, it had me seeing stars, and as her body began to shake, I let out a feral groan of pleasure and sank to the hilt inside her, stilling as I filled the condom with my cum.
Her hot, wet cunt clenched around me, milking me dry as my body grew weak, threatening to give out on me. I managed to roll sideways as my arms trembled and gave out, flopping on my back beside her with a whoosh of air.
I carefully tugged the condom off my softening cock and tossed it in the waste bin beside the bed, refusing to look in her direction now that the deed was done.
I was childish, I knew. I could have been an adult about it and done right by her. I could have gotten a towel and cleaned her up, maybe even let her lay there and gasp for air like I was. Hell, when this had been an act of love and not a punishment, we’d spend hours in each other's arms post-sex, cuddling and talking about the future.
Now, all I wanted was to be alone with the shame of what I’d done to feed the monster I’d become. The jealousy and resentment I’d let control me.
“There’s towels in the bathroom,” I rasped, throwing an arm behind my head like I didn’t have a care in the world.That’s right, man. Let her think you’re not affected by any of this.“Clean yourself up before you leave.”
The bed went still around me as she processed my words, letting their intention sink in. When the reality hit her, she letout a soft, pained sigh of resignation, rolling onto her side to slip from my bed. I watched covertly as she marched in the direction of the bathroom.
I didn’t miss the way she refused to look at me as she fished her panties off the floor when she re-emerged, and then slipped silently out of my room.
And once she’d left me with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company, I realized just how deep my feelings ran.
I had always harbored a resentment for her actions, but I’d never stopped to disentangle the love I’d had for her, from the devastating betrayal that I felt when she left and didn’t look back. And when she left Yejin on my doorstep months after I thought I’d never see her again, it ripped open old wounds. All the feelings had compounded onto each other until all I could see was what burned hottest: the rage. The hatred. The anger.
I’d never stopped loving her, beneath all that, though, and now that I could see myself actively hurting her, I wanted to puke.
How could I treat the woman who’d carried a child she clearly didn’t want, for me, like a piece of dirt in my shoe? How could I use her like that, say words like those to her? How could I live with myself for treating someone’s daughter like that, when I’d kill someone for looking sideways at my own?
I tossed around on the bed, confused and upset and disappointed in myself for the situation I’d created. Only I could be blamed for the tangled mess of feelings drowning me right now, and if I didn’t sort them out before I walked out that bedroom door in the morning, there was no telling how much more complicated it’d be going forward.
If it wasn’t already too late.
Chapter
Fifteen
ARISTA
I layedin bed for an hour, just staring at the ceiling, debating my life choices and the sheer stupidity I’d just exercised by letting myself fall right back into bed with a man I couldn’t ever have a future with.
It was stupid. Reckless. Irresponsible.
It was so fucking good.
Fuck, I could still feel him inside me, stretched and filling andholyfuckingshit?—
“Get a grip on yourself, girl,” I muttered to myself as I puttered around the kitchen, throwing together something for dinner for the house. Pujin was in a meeting with the agency at HQ, and the security team he’d left behind was shacked up with takeout in their little mobile unit outside. I’d offered them food on several occasions, but they always declined, preferring their fast food and quick cleanup to actually intruding on us for a feast.
I couldn’t blame them. Some people could keep work and personal life separate, and were smart about it.
Not me, clearly.
I should have just told the bosses I didn’t feel comfortable taking on the job. Should have insisted I didn’t have time. That I was needed elsewhere. Hell, I could have made up a million and one excuses for why I couldn’t take this job.
So why had I just rolled over in an uncharacteristic show of submission when they told me about it?
Was I not over Kim Seo-Jun?
