The doctor’s brows knit together. “I’m missing some details. How is it you know when he comes home?”
“We have a compound of sorts. Our family, I guess you’d call us a found family, purchased all the lots on a cul-de-sac in town. Liam and his wife, Wren’s aunt, my best friend, two other closecouple friends of ours, and our family all live in homes built on those lots,” I explain.
Dr. Manning’s face turns more somber. I honestly thought we’d have lost her at the “I married my daughter-in-law” portion of the story, not the part where my son is our neighbor.
“So, not only is your ex-husband in your life as your husband’s son, but he’s also your neighbor?” she asks Wren.
“And he is a mechanic at the garage we own,” Wren supplies.
She looks over at me, and I see a tiny bit of judgment. Still way less than I anticipated.
Her focus returns to Wren, and she asks, “So, no matter what you do, no matter where you go, you can’t get away from your ex-husband?”
“Pretty much,” Wren confirms.
“So, when did you get a chance to heal from your marriage? It sounds like there’s not much time between that relationship and this marriage. I’m not judging, just wondering what you’ve done to let yourself recover from being married to an addict?” Dr. Manning asks.
“That’s the thing. I thought I had. I left him, made a new life for myself, a better one. That’s healing, right? I thought for sure that was what it was, at least, until I started realizing Liam was using again. I brought it up, but both Griffin and Charlie thought he was fine. I let it go, because frankly, taking care of him isn’t my job anymore,” Wren responds.
Dr. Manning nods her agreement, but stays silent so Wren will keep talking.
“I don’t know what happened, but every time I’d see signs that he was using, I kept remembering things that had happened before. The times he’d come home ready to fight and accused me of every sin under the sun. He’d tear apart the apartment, thinking I hid things from him. He’d throw things when he got mad, and he was always mad. I was withering right in front ofhim, and he didn’t care. I’m ashamed to admit that there were times when I didn’t think I could make it. Leaving him wasn’t an option, not at that time, at least, because I had no one else.”
Shame blankets me. I remember watching her shrink right in front of me, but I just chalked it up to my behavior, not my son’s. Charlie told me once that I had a blind spot for Liam, and he’s right. I have overlooked his bad behavior for way too long. The only time I let myself see it was when it suited me, meaning when I fell in love with Wren.
Wren’s thumb traces over the scars that I’ve never been able to forget about. We’ve talked about that time, but more about her and not the events that drove her there. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, hating my son, and I do even if just for a second.
“Anyway,” Wren’s voice pulls me from my inner thoughts, “I held on too tight to something that never should have been. I didn’t really get that until recently. My friend took me to visit my childhood home, and I spent time with the ghosts there.”
Another look of confusion comes across the doctor’s face. “Explain that to me.”
Wren shrugs. “I don’t mean real ghosts, just that when I was there, it was as if I could hear my mom. I felt them there in the house. Then, when I stopped fighting the memories, I relived that last conversation I had with my mom. I felt the feelings I felt back then. Had my parents lived, I think Liam and I would have broken up. Maybe even before the end of my senior year. I would have gone off to college like my mom and I had planned. Instead, I ended up alone, and I held on to the one person who stuck around. Now I know that what I had with Liam was never love. At least not the way it should have been for us to be married.”
The pain in her words cuts me. Her pain has always hurt me, even when I was one of the causes of it. For the first time, I wonder what it would have felt like if I’d had to co-parent withMelinda. What would it have been like to watch her fall in love with someone else, make a life with someone else, and have to watch it play out day in and day out?
Like Wren, I didn’t love Melinda the way I should have to have married her. But we were having a baby, and I wanted to be a better parent than mine were. There was love in my marriage, the love I had for my son. It made living with a woman who resented me tolerable. Then, when Liam was two, she left. I have heard about her from time to time. I know she’s with some older man who has money. Not yacht kind of money, but something that would have felt like a lot growing up in Harriston. She doesn’t have any more kids, from what I have heard, but I don’t know if that’s true. I’m still pretty sure that she gets to live out her days in her self-centered bubble like she had always wanted.
It strikes me that it’s been over thirty years since I’ve seen her, and yet I still have anger inside of me toward her. This isn’t news; I’ve never hidden my dislike of her from myself. What is hitting me so hard right now is that Wren has spent nearly every day seeing Liam either in the yard, at work, or at family dinners. She’s had to watch all the things that I’ve only ever heard rumors about with Melinda.
“I hate to be cliché about this, but our hour is up. I hate to leave things for an entire week like this. If you are available, I’d like to see you in a couple of days.”
She flips a page in her planner. “I’ve got an opening in a few days, early afternoon. I know you run a business, but it is before school lets out.”
“Sold,” I say immediately. I shrug when Dr. Manning studies me. “Wren and I swap turns getting the kids from school. This week is mine. I like to get there early. The moms are scary.”
“You’ve been avoiding me,”Liam accuses when he corners me at the garage the next day.
I look over my shoulder to make sure that Wren is still in the office before I answer him.
“Not avoiding you, just prioritizing my wife. I’d like to keep mine,” I grumble.
“Are you saying I don’t want to keep mine? You think I haven’t been trying to get Claudia to come home?” he snaps.
I start to shove my hand into my hair, then stop when I see the grease covering my hands. It wouldn’t be the first time, but I’d like to avoid having to scrub my head with dish soap.
“So you’re ignoring me and avoiding me then?” Liam pushes. I can hear his irritation rising.
“I’m not ignoring you or avoiding you. I’ve got my own shit to deal with. Shit you frequently seem to drop on my doorstep,” I snap back at him.
