Usually, I can prepare myself when I'm being forced to see her, like on holidays, birthdays, and other special events. I still don't like it, but at least I'm not seeing her when I'm not ready. That's why when she drops by unannounced, I get so irrationally pissed off. It's like she knows the effect she has on me and shows up just to taunt me. I know that's not accurate, but I feel like she's a threat to my relationship with my son. Mostly, because nothing makes me hate him more than knowing that he has her and I don’t.
“Nice to see you too, Mr. Hale,” she says in her trademark husky whisper. She might speak softly, but her entire demeanor drips with disdain.
“This is my business, I would appreciate it if you would find a different place to hang out, like at the mall," I snap.
Her face falls, and I want to punch myself in the dick. Really, it’s not my business how she spends her money. I’ve witnessed my son wasting money buying rounds at the bar for strangers. It’s easier to keep my distance, though, if I let myself believe the bad things.
Besides, I don’t go out that often, and for all I know, that round of drinks Liam treated everyone to was a one-off. I hear rumors, but I find it hard to believe that anyone with a couple of brain cells would risk losing a woman like Wren.
There’s talk around town that Liam leaves the bar with other women. I’m not sure if I can’t believe it, or I just don’t want to. Wren doesn’t need to be assaulted with such horrible rumors, especially considering my son is the only family she has left in the world. A few sharply spoken words and a couple of thrown fists have ensured no one dares let her find out the garbage that people have been spreading.
Griffin - Present
I dropthe wrench in my hand, and it makes a loud clattering noise as it hits the concrete floor. I haven’t let myself think about what an absolute asshole I was to Wren in the past for a long time. I don’t like myself very much when I look back at that time.
The truth that I’ve never admitted to her is that I kept her stuck in misery for years longer than she needed to be. All the effort I put into making sure she didn’t find out about the rumors of his cheating makes me almost as bad as he is.
I think I would rather believe that a part of her wishes that things had worked out differently for them. It would gut me if she still wanted him, but just like I managed to lie to myself about what was really going on then, I’ve continued to do so now.
The truth is frightening. Facing it is like staring into a pit and wondering how far the fall will be.
Seeing Wren so upset today sent me spinning out. The truth is that I’m partially responsible for the pain she’s still carrying around. If I hadn’t interfered, she might have caught Liam muchsooner. I wouldn’t have been the one to hold her together when she found out, but the pain she carries could have been so much lighter than it is.
How is she going to react when she finds out? I can’t answer that question, and that terrifies me. Losing Wren is my idea of hell.
I could keep lying to her, but I’m not my son. My marriage can’t survive on lies. I won’t let it. I know they say that two wrongs don’t make a right. The comfort she and I found in each other in the wake of Liam’s betrayals could be seen as us acting out of revenge. That doesn’t take away the fact that I love her more than I knew I was capable of loving another person. I love her enough to risk losing her.
When I leave here, it’s time to right the wrongs of our past. I’ve missed seeing how much pain Wren still carries, and that needs to be my priority, not trying to help Liam put his life back together. He made a mess out of his life, and he’ll have to fix it. I’ve got to get my own house in order.
Chapter Seventeen
Wren - Present
I hateto admit that Charlie and Scott were right. I feel so much better looking like myself. Maybe I look a bit more like my old self. My best friend Bess recently made a huge change to the way she’s looked since I’ve known her. She used to have this punk pixie look that was kind of a rocker chic vibe. Now she’s got this sexy, old Hollywood style. It’s still edgy compared to the other moms, but she doesn’t stand out like she did in shades of neon.
I think I need to reinvent myself a little, too. I don’t know. I feel like I need to be a different person in order to make my life make sense. If I were someone else, I wouldn’t be pulled under by problems I left behind a decade ago, or I should have at least.
Is it always going to be like this? I’m just going to go through my day, not knowing when I’m going to be smacked in the face by the fact that the first man I loved used me as a scapegoat foreverything that went wrong in his life, then easily pulled himself together for someone else?
Griffin pretty much treated me like shit back then, too. I know he says that the reason was that he was fighting his feelings for me. I believe him most of the time, but when this insecurity hits me, I find myself wondering if maybe there is just something about me that is fundamentally unlovable. There’s a voice that whispers that somehow I deserved the way both of them treated me, and that if I don’t do everything right, I will end up on the other end of Griffin’s ire again.
Liam blowing up at me like he did the day Griffin dragged him off to rehab is nothing. At least it’s nothing I haven’t heard from him before. I thought I’d have had a stronger reaction to it, but if anything, all I’ve felt for the last couple of months is numb.
The only thing I’m truly afraid of is losing Griffin.
I need to stop hiding from the things that scare me and deal with this shit. I’m not going to let Liam take any more of my peace. I know logically, the only thing that can break my relationship with Griffin is if I let these insecurities fester into me pushing him away. Not a single day has gone by that he hasn’t proven to me over and over that he loves me.
I would like to think I’ve done the same for him, but it can’t be easy watching me have some kind of existential crisis over some bullshit my ex said to me. It’s even worse for Griffin because Liam is his son. It’s not the first time he’s been pulled between us, but I thought those days were over. I can’t have him thinking that there’s any part of me that wants to be with Liam.
I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time telling him what is bothering me. Certainly, he’d rather find out I’m worried he’s going to revert into an asshole again than think I am still pining for my ex-husband. The problem with that is he’s done nothing to deserve my doubt.
The house is quiet when I exit my room. Scott is going to be a great dad if he was able to get my twin terrors out the door with minimal fuss. Parker is quickly entering the dreaded pre-teen years. There have already been full-on meltdowns about how either her hair or clothes looked. I’m not ready.
I’m digging through my purse for my keys so I can lock the deadbolt when I step out onto the front porch. Good thing we live in such a safe neighborhood, because I have zero awareness of my surroundings today.
“Wrenegade, I hear we’re taking a road trip.” I look up and see Bess holding out a cup of coffee for me.
“You are a goddess among women,” I say to her as I grab the cup. This isn’t my first cup of the day, but I’m going to need a few more still if I’m going to make it through the day after the tossing and turning I did last night.
