I jump at hearing Liam’s voice. For a second, I think I might still be trapped in the nightmare loop I fell into after going to sleep, but there he is, standing about fifteen feet away, and not the twenty-four-year-old version of him either. None of my dreams had him in his mid-thirties with subtle lines around his eyes.
I nod, because what is there to say? It wasn’t a question, just a statement of fact. I have been avoiding him. He might not know me as well as he used to, but even a casual acquaintance could have figured out that.
“I know I was a dick the day I went to rehab. I am sorry about the things I said to you,” he says. I believe he means it.
Doesn’t change anything, though.
I stand there, nodding my head over and over, as if a thought would shake free. “Do you ever wonder why it’s always me you’re apologizing to like this?” My voice is soft, almost a whisper.
Liam shoves his hands into his pockets, and his shoulders hunch forward. “I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a lot of apologizing to do to Claudia. That’s if she’ll ever talk to me again.”
“I hope she gives you a second chance,” I tell him.
“You didn’t.”
My lips purse. “Did you have sex with her best friend?”
“No,” he says, sounding incredulous.
“Then you’re already doing better than you were during our marriage. Did you call her names? Forget her birthday two years in a row? Did you throw things at her when you got pissed off? Or did you steal money from her, commit identity theft, and take out loans in her name?”
He yanks his hands out of his pockets and shoves them through his hair. “Holy Fuck, Wren, have you been hanging on to all of that for the last decade?”
“Comes as a surprise to me, too,” I tell him.
He exhales a frustrated sound. “How do we get past this? I was deep inside my addiction when I did all of those things, and I’ve apologized. What more can I do?”
“Can you tell me why? Tell me what was so different about me? I know you haven't done half of the things to Claudia that you did in our marriage, so what was it about me? You’ve been drinking, probably abusing pain killers again, right?”
He nods, but doesn’t say anything.
“Okay, so then you can’t blame everything on your addiction. You’re just as addicted this time as you were then. Besides being older, the only difference is who you’re married to. You want us to leave this in the past?”
He nods again. “Yeah, I do. No offense, but I have bigger problems than how I hurt your feelings ten years ago. Going down this road isn’t going to help me right now.”
“What about Claudia and the kids?” I ask him.
His eyebrows scrunch together. “I miss them. I want my family back. It’s too quiet in this house. I need them.”
“And what do they need, Liam? See, the problem as I see it is, you’re still the same person who treated me the way you did. Unless you can answer why for both of us, I’m afraid this toxic cycle will just keep spinning.”
I turn around and stroll back inside the house. There’s a petty part of me that’s rejoicing for dropping truth bombs on him like I just did and then leaving while having the last word. That feeling lasts about as long as it takes me to walk from the mudroom and into the large open kitchen.
Griffin stands in front of the coffee maker. Both of his arms are taut, the veins bulging with the effort he’s using to grip thegranite surface. His head hangs down, and his dark, wavy hair is just long enough to hang over his eyes.
I know he hears me come in, but he doesn’t turn around.
I’m frozen in place, waiting for him to acknowledge me. When he finally speaks, his voice is low, gravely, and has a little of the meanness it used to when he would speak to me.
“Tell me something, this entire time, have I just been the next best thing? I’m not your first love, but fuck, I made him, so I’m close enough? I worship you, Baby Bird, you know I do, but I won’t live the rest of my life wondering if you always wished I were someone else.”
I take a step toward him, but he pushes away from the counter. “Not now. I need some air,” he says and storms out the front door. His truck growls to life a minute later, and just like that, he’s gone.
I sit down at the table and wonder how all of this happened. In just a few minutes, my solid foundation fractured, and now everything I’ve built my life on is swaying on an unstable platform.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting there in a fog. I won’t cry, though. I’ve got enough presence of mind to remember that my kids are upstairs.
Charlie and Scott come bursting through the back door, startling me out of my shocked daze.
