He’s right, we’re getting too old for the past to play on repeat. I need to do something. Maybe it’s impulsive, and it’s definitely selfish, but the only way that Liam is coming back here to stay is if he has something to come home to. He’s going to need his family back.
I won’t push, but Wren is right, someone should speak to Claudia and find out if she needs something. We’ve told her for years now that she’s family, and at the first sign of trouble, we leave her to sort it out alone.
Yeah, I’ve called, but that’s a halfhearted effort at best, and I mostly talked about wanting to see the kids. It isn’t like I don’t know where she’s staying. Sure, at first we were questioning her absence, but it’s been over eight weeks, which means she’s more than likely at her parents’ home.
They aren’t even that far away. She’s still teaching at the school here in Centralia, and Natalie is still going to school. I’ve gotten to hug her a few times when I’ve done the school drop-off or pick-up run, but her Grandma Julia has been picking her up every day after school since Claudia isn’t off for another hour after the kids get out. The fact that Natalie has still been coming to her same school, forty-five minutes away from where Claudia’s parents live, gives me hope that she’s planning on coming back.
Charlie studies me for a few seconds before rolling his eyes. “She might not appreciate you showing up without calling.”
“If I call first, she might tell me not to come,” I point out. This seems perfectly rational to me.
“That’s typically what people do when they don’t want to see someone,” he deadpans.
I grab my keys off my workbench and spin them around my index finger. “Like I’ve ever let that stop me.”
I call Wren from the car to let her know what I’m up to. She’s not surprised. I think the moment she said that she won’t be the one to talk to Claudia about what is going on, she knew I’d go immediately.
The last time Liam went through the process of getting sober, I had been caught off guard by some of the lingering impact his actions had on both Wren and me. This time, I choose to face everything head-on.
The drive to Pine Bluff is a little over half an hour from Centralia, and I make it there just before eight. The sky is slowly darkening, and the stars are just barely appearing in the sky. With the sun still lingering, slipping out of sight, I hope it isn’t too late to stop by. Claudia’s parents weren’t teenagers when she was born, so they are about a decade older than me. I have no idea if they are the type to go to bed right after the nightly news or something. These Norman Rockwell-kind of families baffle me.
I knock on the door and wait. It takes a few minutes, but eventually I hear a mumbled conversation on the other side of the door before it opens.
“Griffin? What are you doing here?” Claudia asks.
I’m silent for a moment. I thought about what her being gone would do to Liam, why it was important for him to have her come home, but one little innocuous question brings backthe memories of the past in a wave. I’m not sure I like the realizations it brings with it either.
This isn’t the first time I’ve considered how I feel, what I need, and what my son needs while completely ignoring the young woman at the center of the storm. Only, this time, I really am only concerned about how it will impact my son because I want him to come home whole.
Even if my intentions are better than before, that doesn’t mean I can bulldoze into her life and make demands based on what will suit us best. If I truly see Claudia as a member of the family, I also have to look out for what is best for her.
“I came here to see how you and the kids are doing. We thought you might be home before now, but we’re getting worried,” I finally say to her.
One of her dark eyebrows curves up. “Worried about me, or that your son won’t come home without me back there?”
I nod my head a few times. “You’re right, I did come over here to see if you were coming back, because I don’t think he’s going to do well without you. Wren told me that you can’t be responsible for his sobriety. It took the drive over here for that to fully sink in. I really do want to know how you and the kids are doing, and if there’s anything you need.”
One minute she’s standing in front of me with a wary stiffness, as if she’s prepared to defend herself, then the next she deflates. “I feel so stupid. For all these years, I’ve silently patted myself on the back because I never saw the side of Liam that I’ve heard stories about. I think I let it get to my head and imagined I must be a better wife than Wren was, or I don’t know. I’ve tried hard to ignore the past and live in the present, but I know I’ve held myself back from everyone because I couldn’t really let go of the jealousy that comes with comparing myself to Wren.”
Claudia takes a deep breath and lifts her dark eyes to mine. The pain I see there is something I haven’t seen since the nightWren and I caught Liam bare-assed and mid-pump into her best friend. “Telling you this might be the most selfish thing I will ever do, but I can’t keep it to myself. The night I left, I came back late from Parent/Teacher conferences, and found Liam unconscious on the stairs. He must have hit his head when he went down, because he had a huge goose egg on his forehead. I was trying to see if he had a concussion, or what happened, when the smell of whiskey hit me.”
She shakes her head. I don’t think she’s even seeing me right now. Her eyes are glazed over, and she’s shaking slightly. Her arms wrap around her middle, and I know I’m really not going to like the rest of this story.
“He looked at me, and the man I saw was a stranger.”
Her voice lowers in an impression of Liam. “‘Don’t look at me with that judgmental face. I’m sorry I can’t live up to the standards of someone as perfect as you. I bet your family will be happy. I’ve finally proven them right. Too bad for you, my dad is still obsessed with my ex-wife, or you could have really taught me a lesson like she did.”
“I asked him if he missed her, and he didn’t answer, but he didn’t deny it. He just said that he didn’t hate himself as much when he was married to her.”
She shrugs, and when her shoulders drop, it looks like she is giving up. “We’ve been married for eight years, together for a little over nine, and all this time I’ve been the consolation prize for the woman he can’t get back. I don’t feel as bad now for secretly being afraid that he would always love her.”
I nod. That is a lot to hear, and honestly, something I’ve feared for a long time, too. There’s one truth I know, though, and I pass it along to Claudia. “There are a lot of things I don’t know, but I do know that when you love someone, you don’t treat them the way he treated Wren. I can’t tell you that he doesn’t think he loved her, but if he did, his love isn’t worth shit.”
For the second time in my fifty-three years on this earth, I’m profoundly disappointed in my son.
I reach out and awkwardly pat Claudia on the shoulder. “We are here for you, no matter what happens between you and Liam. You aren’t just my son’s wife. You’re family. You will always be the mother of my grandkids and a friend. Whatever you need, we’ll have your back.”
A sob bursts free from her, and she immediately buries her face in her hands. She doesn’t look up when she says. “You have no idea how much that means to me. I promise I’ll call this week so you can see the kids, but I’m not ready to see him yet. I don’t want him around the kids yet either.”
