“Stay as long as you want.”
Even if that’s past December.
21
PAIGE
I don’t botherwith the movie because Rhett is asleep within minutes. His deep breathing is soothing, and it makes me sleepy too.
It feels so good to be held, it chokes me up for some reason. I don’t remember the last time someone held me like this. Marcus never did it. Neither did any of my previous boyfriends.
Rhett isn’t even doing this for sex. He’s out for the count.
I never got hugs growing up except from Danny. My dad wasn’t very affectionate, and Irma always hated me. Not sure why. I never did anything to her except breathe. My dad always said I looked like my mama, so maybe Irma was jealous? But that’s a weird thing to be upset about. Unless she just didn’t like sharing his attention with another female, even his daughter.
My lips tug up when I think of how Rhett held Irma’s feet to the fire when we were at the ice cream shop earlier this week, and my heart swells with affection for this man.
Rhett is such a sturdy, safe presence next to me that I finally start to relax. With my nose pressed to his chest, I revel in his woodsy, masculine scent.
Soon, I’m drifting off too.
I wake with a start a few hours later with his big body spooning me. His thick thigh is tucked between mine, his arm is thrown over my waist, and his face is buried in the back of my neck.
I should go. I should get up and march to the couch. Rhett has no plans to stay married, and if I go down this road, I’m only going to get more attached.
But then he groans and pulls me tighter to him, and I’m greeted with his thick erection against my ass.
My breath catches in my chest.
Images from our night at the cabin run through my mind. The way he held my legs open and fingered me to the best orgasm of my life. How he could do that with just his hand is crazy. And then that blow job. Dear God, that blow job. I was throbbing all over again when I went down on him.
I shiver and try to block that out. I told him sex was a bad idea.
Why does my husband have to be so damn tempting?
From deep within my soul, I know this is one of those huge crossroads in my life. If I get up and sleep on the couch, this dream ends. I’ll keep my distance and know better than to get under the covers with him to watch movies.
But if I stay…
If I stay, maybe we don’t have to split up in a few months. Maybe I can convince him that he wants more. Maybe I can convince him that we have something special. Maybe I can convince him to love me.
Like I’ve always loved him.
I see that now, how I never stopped loving him. In high school and college, I masked the pain of his rejection with indifference, but the feelings were always there beneath that facade.
How can I not love Rhett? He works himself to the bone for his boys and his brothers and this incredible ranch. He starts before dawn and doesn’t stop until his kids are tucked away in bed. His dedication to those he loves is awe-inspiring.
I swallow, terrified of his rejection. Sure, I can coax him into having sex with me—we already came close to it at the cabin—but that doesn’t mean he’ll ever love me.
Through the moonlight streaming through the window, I stare at the bare couch.
That’s a lonely spot. That’s a one-way ticket to Boston where I don’t know anyone. That requires leaving the only people who care about me to coach strangers’ children instead of loving up on the kids who are already in my life.
That’s probably a series of relationships where I don’t let myself feel anything.
It would be so easy to go back to that place. To block myself off and amble through life with a painted smile on my face, which is probably a bad look for a cheerleader.
Closing my eyes, I decide to take a chance.
