“And yet you’re a paragon of responsibility. Man, I misjudged you. I’m sorry for being an ass.”
“Hazel is the center of your universe. I don’t blame you for being cautious. It’s what makes you a great dad.” She leans closer to graze my neck with her teeth. “And now we have to do homework.”
I growl and adjust myself when she slides off my lap.
She chuckles and grabs her textbook. “Maybe tomorrow night we can have a celebratory… thing after you beat UT?”
“A naked celebratory thing?” I lift an eyebrow.
Her laughter grows as she nods. “Definitely naked.” She snaps her fingers. “Now get to work or no more blow jobs.”
“Damn, you’re tough, woman.”
I pull out my laptop and try to concentrate, but I find myself glancing at Abby every few minutes.
“Nick Silva, get to work.”
Nodding, I turn so I can’t see her in my peripheral vision. I revise my assignment, then print it.
“Do you need someone to proof?” she asks.
“Would you mind?”
“Not at all.”
I study her pretty profile while she reads. In my mind, I map out places on her body I want to kiss or lick or bite. Like that pale spot on her shoulder, or the soft skin behind her ear, the inside of her wrist. What does she taste like there?
The thought is jarring.
I’m not used to thinking this way about women. Not even Gemma. We were kids when we had a child together. Barely adults when she died. I loved her with my whole heart and soul, but I’m starting to wonder if a man’s ability to love expands as he gets older.
And if I’m being really honest with myself, my relationship with Gemma wasn’t perfect. Sometimes we argued a lot. Having a kid is stressful as fuck, but we did the best we could. It was my first serious relationship, so maybe I’ve idealized it since I had nothing else to compare it to.
I’m just not sure I should compare what I had with Gemma to whatever I’m doing right now.
I scrub my face with my palm.
This thing with Abby is messing with me. We’ve been an item for less than a week, and I can admit this is more serious than I intended. Obviously what Abby and I have going on is more than a friends-with-benefits situation, like we discussed.
I’m just not sure what to do about it.
I’m not ready to let Abby go, but I’m also not sure I’m capable of more.
The here and now is easy. Study together. Grab dinner from time to time. Mess around when we can. Have a few laughs.
It’s the long term that scares the hell out of me. I tried long-term, and it landed my girlfriend in the bottom of a ditch where she drowned in a few feet of water.
Christ. I pinch the bridge of my nose.
Life isn’t fucking fair. If anyone knows that, it’s me. So as much as I’d love to make post-graduation plans with the beautiful woman on my couch, I’m not sure I can.
Maybe the answer is to not think about that for now. Abby agreed our arrangement ends this winter when we graduate, so I’m going to plan for that. It’s the only way for me to enjoy what we’re doing.
So when she yawns and says she’s going to bed, I walk her to her door and kiss the hell out of her.
Because our days are likely numbered.
27
