Hmm. Maybe I should’ve just jerked off this morning after all.
“Get laid already.” That’s his answer for everything. Jinxy waves a hand. “How long has it been since you did a deep dick dive?”
Not this again. I rub a hand over my face.
“Damn, man. That long? Please tell me it hasn’t been since your girlfriend passed away. What, like two years ago?” Actually, it’ll be three this fall. He crosses himself. “RIP dead girlfriend, but, Bromeo, your life ain’t over yet.”
My jaw tightens. “Have some fucking respect. Gemma was the mother of my child.”
“And would she want you hermetically sealed for the rest of your life? If she loved you the way you obviously loved her, she’d want you to move on.”
I stare at him, not knowing what to say.
Move on from Gemma? I wouldn’t know where to begin. Every morning, I wake up with our daughter, who looks just like her mom.
“It’s not that easy, man,” I grunt. “Gemma was amazing.” Not that I’m still hung up on her the way I used to be, but her death broke something in me I’m not sure will ever recover.
He slaps my back. “I’m not saying you have to get into another relationship, bro. Hookups are not complicated. Insert the USB into the port, and voila.” He frowns at me. “Please tell me you’ve hooked up with someone since you got here. Like, at least a blow job or a handy or something.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Do you really want to know if I’ve gotten a hand job? Jinxy, are you obsessed with me?” I chuckle as the other guys crack up. It’s tough to stay mad at this idiot.
“I’m just saying if you had some good dick energy, shit might work better for you on the field.”
“We’re undefeated, asshole.”
“Barely.”
“The only time I really struggled was against Iowa. My kid was on the goddamn sidelines. It was hard to concentrate. Cut me some slack.”
Jinxy pokes my chest. “Do you want to just barely win? The last game was super fucking close until the end.” My nostrils flare, and he holds up his hands. “Just saying if you got your wheel bearings greased, maybe your engine would work better.”
“Wheel bearings have nothing to do with engines,” Bowser points out.
“Whatever. You know what I’m saying.” Jinxy rubs his hands together. “Now tell Uncle Jinxy about your dating problems, and I’ll fix what ails you. I just…” He glances around. “I need a favor.”
Here we go. Everyone always wants something. “What kind of favor? I’m not helping you do anything illegal.”
As Jinxy and I stand off to one side of the treadmills, suddenly it’s the most interesting place in the weight room because Bowser and Dax huddle up too.
“Tell us about this favor,” Bowser says. “Did you knock up someone? Or catch some cooties? Is your dick gonna fall off?”
Wincing, Jinxy cups himself. “No, you shithead. My dick works fine. It’s my taint I’m having trouble with.”
Bowser shudders. “If it’s swollen, that’s out of my field of expertise.”
“Nothing’s swollen. It’s just… stinky.”
“Sticky?” I choke on a laugh.
“No, fucker. Stinky.”
When Coach encouraged me to bond with the guys, this isn’t what I had in mind. “Jinxy, take a damn shower and use some soap.”
He rolls his eyes. “Do you think I’m a moron? I’ve tried that. I’ve scrubbed so hard, you could probably see your reflection in my balls. But Velva says it still smells even fresh from a shower.”
“You’re dating someone named Vulva?” I snicker.
“Velva. With an E. This is serious, man. She won’t blow me until my taint smells better. At least I think it’s my taint. Who knows? It’s not like I can stick my head down there to sniff. Anyway, she’s hot as fuck, and I wanna make her happy so she’ll suck my dick.”
