During training camp, the guys stay on campus, but I have permission to sleep at home because I can’t take Hazel to the dorms.
As I’m about to head for the tunnel, Coach calls my name. “After your shower, meet me in my office. I want to talk about a few things.”
This can’t be good. I thought I’d done okay out there today, but if Coach wants a one-on-one, I must’ve screwed up something.
Twenty minutes later, after I’ve cleaned up and changed, I sit across from Coach in his office, which is immaculate. Folders are color-coded and lined up straight in a silver organizer on his credenza. Our thick playbook is the only thing that sits on his desk. Behind him are awards he won in college and MVP plaques he got playing in the NFL. Santos is a legend, and I’m honored to play for the man.
He leans back in his chair. “How’s Hazel doing?”
Debating how much I should say, I nod slowly. “She’s acclimating.”
“Is your babysitting situation good?”
It pains me to admit that Hazel hasn’t warmed up to Oksana yet. “I’m working on it.” I scrub my face and decide to level with Coach. Maybe he’ll have some good advice. “Trouble is, she isn’t crazy about her nanny. Thinks she’s too strict, but strict keeps her out of trouble, you know?”
“I can relate. Roxy was a hellraiser when she was little.” He chuckles, his eyes going soft as he thinks about his daughter. “I was lucky my wife wanted to stay home with the kids and that we could afford to go off one paycheck.” He frowns. “Not sure I’ve said this enough, but I’m sorry for the loss of your girlfriend. That had to be tough.”
Today, it is. I’d do anything to have Gemma to talk to right now. “Thank you, sir.”
“Do you have family nearby who could lend a hand?”
I shake my head. “My dad’s up in Dallas, and he works a lot.” I don’t mention that my mom passed when I was young because he already knows that, and I don’t want any more pity.
“What about your girlfriend’s family? Can they help out?”
“Her parents gave me the insurance money from the accident, and that’s helped a ton, but they live in Fort Worth. Sometimes Gemma’s sister checks on us, but she doesn’t live nearby either.”
“If you’re ever in a tight spot, you can call me and the missus. As you know, we’ve had some recent experience with kids.” He reaches behind his desk and hands me a framed photo of him and his granddaughter Marley.
“She’s a beauty.”
“That she is. Probably will be a wild child like her mother. Lord help Roxy and Billy.” We both laugh as I return the photo to him. “Okay, I know you didn’t come in here to look at baby pictures. Let’s get down to business, Nick. Why do you think I picked Billy to throw that Hail Mary against UT last year?” The question catches me off guard. “Granted, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure it would come down to that, but if it did, I wanted the ball in his hands.”
And not yours.
Ouch. He doesn’t say the words, but I feel them nonetheless.
It’s not like he benched you. Chill out.
I try to remove my emotion from the scenario and consider his question. “Because substituting a defensive player would throw off the defense.”
“Partially. But that’s not the main reason.”
Billy Babcock was one of the best defensemen on the team, but he was also a stellar quarterback in high school and has an arm like a missile. He might’ve been one of the last guys drafted in the spring, but I had no doubt he’d go pro. “Because he has a longer range than I do?”
An admission that pains me to make.
“No.” Coach taps on his desk. “You’re every bit as good as Billy at quarterback. I’ve seen your range, and it’s nothing to sniff at. I chose him because that boy is fearless.”
Flashes of our loss in January have been playing like a broken loop in my mind for months. Knowing you’re the reason for the biggest defeat of the season is a bitter pill to swallow. “You’re saying I lost the championship game because I played it safe.”
Coach stares down at his desk for a brief moment, but it’s enough to tell me I’m right.
He sighs. “We made a lot of mistakes that day. It’s not all on your shoulders. Would I have preferred you take a few more chances? Yes, but not if that meant turnovers. Ultimately, I don’t want you looking backwards. That never serves anyone. But moving forward, we need to learn from our mistakes. I’m working with the team on what we can do better this season, and that includes helping you step outside your comfort zone.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll try.”
“Do or do not. There is no try.” His expression is so damn serious, but finally he cracks a smile. “Don’t you recognize that quote from Star Wars?”
