I tell myself I can handle it, but nothing prepares me for image after image of Nick and Gemma and their lovesick smiles. Or the shots of Nick, bare-chested, holding Hazel. Of the pics of Gemma gazing at Nick like he’s her whole world. Of him grinning at her like he’s never been happier.
All the photos stop around the week she died.
Two seconds later, I burst into tears. Because of what he lost. Because of how much he’s been through. And because he’ll probably never be really and truly mine. “He doesn’t smile like that with me.” He’s beaming in every pic like he won the lottery.
I feel so stupid. Here I was, worried he’d succumb to the charms of some woman on campus when the truth is, he’s probably still in love with Gemma.
Baylee sits on the other side of me, and she and Paige squish me in a hug, and my friends let me cry.
“I… I was just about… about to ask him if he wanted me to move in with him permanently.” I sniffle. “I’m so glad I didn’t. That’s probably the last thing he wants.”
My phone vibrates on the coffee table, and Nick’s name flashes on the screen.
I watch it with an increasing sense of dread.
“Don’t you want to answer it?” Baylee asks.
“No.” Between Jinxy’s comments and Gemma’s Instagram, I feel so dumb. When it stops ringing, I text him that I’m staying with Paige tonight and that I’d like to talk to him tomorrow after practice. And then I turn off my phone.
I don’t know how I’ll face him or what I’ll say, but maybe after a good night’s rest, I’ll find the words.
Because I don’t have them tonight.
38
ABIGAIL
By morning, I’m feeling better. Paige was right. I shouldn’t have looked at Gemma’s social media.
I’m still upset about everything, but I can admit that my emotions got the best of me yesterday. It was a lot to process—Gemma’s parents, Jinxy’s comments, Tiffany, and those photos—all in one day. It overloaded me.
But I’m not holding my breath. I don’t think Nick is going to make some deep declaration of love, but he’s probably not the asshole I thought he was yesterday. He’s been good to me. I know he cares.
That doesn’t mean he wants to date me, though.
I close my eyes. Please don’t let what Jinxy said be true. Because if it is, we’re over. I don’t see how we’re not.
After class, I finally have the courage to turn on my phone. My eyes widen when I see that I have a ton of texts, the most recent from Denise. She says to call her ASAP, which I do.
“What’s wrong?” I say as soon as she answers.
“Thank goodness you called me back. My father-in-law had a heart attack, and my husband and I have to catch a flight to Chicago, but Hazel needs to be picked up from preschool. I tried Nick and Cadence and got voicemail for both.”
“Give me the directions, and I’ll go now.”
I’ve never driven Hazel around or picked her up, but Nick installed a car seat for her in case I ever needed to. He probably didn’t want me driving her, given our fender bender last spring, but he never outright told me not to. I’ll drive super slowly, just to be safe.
He’ll see I can handle it.
When I pull up to the school, Hazel gets the biggest smile on her face when she sees me. “Hey, Hazelnut. Are you feeling better today?” I ask.
She hugs me and nods. “Better!”
“I’m so happy to hear that, honey. Let’s get you checked out.” I talk to her teacher for a few minutes and show her my ID. Fortunately, I’m one of the people who has permission to pick up Hazel.
See, silly? Nick won’t mind you driving his daughter.
But after I get Hazel strapped into her car seat, I’m afraid to make any mistakes. I’ll never hear the end of it if something happened to Hazel while I was driving. I’m so apprehensive, the car behind me honks to go faster. I don’t know why I’m so paranoid about this.
