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Ben makes a gagging sound, and the rest of the guys laugh.

Except for Rider.

Rider is not laughing.

When the door finally shuts, I collapse onto the bed and hang my head.

Oh, my God, how mortifying.

37

GABBY

“Hey.”

I don’t budge.

Rider scoops me up and sets me on his lap before he wraps his arms around me. “It’s going to be okay.”

For some reason, this small show of affection when we’re probably nothing more than friends hits me hard, and my throat tightens. “Don’t be nice to me right now, or I’ll cry.”

He rubs my back and I sink into him. “Would it help if I were an asshole?” He kisses my forehead, and my eyes sting.

“Yes.” I sniffle.

His shoulders shake with laughter, but after a moment, he stills. “I’m sorry about all that. I should’ve locked my door last night, but I guess I got carried away.”

He got carried away with me.That makes me feel marginally better.

I don’t want to talk about my brother while I’m wrapped in a sheet, about to do the walk of shame through the football house, but I’m too upset to reel it in.

“We used to be so close when we were kids. When I was little, I used to call Ben my twin. And now… now he wants nothing to do with me.”

Rider’s hand makes a slow trail up and down my back. “Hmm.”

“What?” I sniffle again and angrily wipe my eyes.

“I’m not sure he’d want to beat my ass if he wanted nothing to do with you. Ben is not an emotional guy. He locks up that shit tight. Except when it comes to you. I’ve never seen him that pissed.” Rider’s hand makes another trek down my back and pauses to pull me closer. I lay my head on his shoulder. “I know you guys went through a lot when you were young. Maybe he needs to talk to someone about that.”

I nod and swallow back the sob that wants to break out of me. Right now, I’d do anything,anything, to be able to cry to my mother. To ask her how to bridge the distance with Ben. The fact that he just saw me in the most compromising position only adds another layer to my humiliation.

Rider seems to know I need a minute to get my composure. Once Niagara Falls is kept at bay, I sit up and hesitantly look at the man whose lap I’m sitting on.

Because now I’m facing that other awkward issue. Pretty sure you’re not supposed to have some big emotional breakdown after a hookup or whatever this is. “Well, I’d, uh, better get going.”

Before he can say anything, I leap off his lap and trip around his room, gathering my clothes, which are strewn all over the floor. He calls my name, but I ignore him, too embarrassed to look at him. By the time I shut the bathroom door behind me, I want to crawl into a hole and stay there.

What was I thinking hooking up with Rider? He livesacross the streetfrom me. I’m going to have to see him all the time. With other women.

I swipe at my eyes again, hating myself for feeling anything. I never cried with Sean. Not once. He never made me feel anything too intense. Being with him was pleasant. Like a warm bath or a box of chocolates or a cup of tea on a cold day.

Rider’s a hurricane. A cataclysm. A precipice upon which girls willingly toss themselves over the edge for one night with him.

Which is exactly what I did, and now I have to face the consequences.

I get dressed as fast as I can.

Finally, I look in the mirror. Raccoon eyes stare back at me. My hair would make a fine nest for a flock of geese.