Thank the Lord, Poppy sleeps through our ruckus.
When we finally calm down, I give up the pretense and watch the game recap in full view of my roommate like an adult.
Once it’s over, Sienna reaches for the remote and clicks the mute button and glances at me with one eyebrow high on her forehead.
I sigh. “I guess… I guess I like him.”
A look of mock surprise crosses her face. “Shut up! I had no clue!”
“Smartass.” I grab the mostly empty bucket of popcorn off the coffee table and toss a few pieces at her. “That’s hard for me to admit because he really burned me freshman year.”
She eats the popcorn that lands in her lap, and the humor fades from her eyes. “When school started back in August, I got a good look at those incoming students, and I swear a few seemed like they came straight out of middle school, but you can’t find any of those little minnows in the senior class. Wanna know why?”
“Tell me, oh wise one.” For all of her laid-back California vibe, I’m learning that Sienna has a really grounded outlook on life.
“Because people changea lotin those three or four years. And while I’m betting Rider didn’t look like one of those babies when he was a freshman, it doesn’t mean he hasn’t undergone some massive growth spurts on the inside too.”
“But what’s that saying? ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.’”
“I totally get that, but who can you trust if you look at everything through that paradigm? Not just lovers or boyfriends, how do you have any friends if you’re always afraid to take a chance?”
For a second, it’s hard to breathe.
“I… yeah.” I shake my head. “It’s hard for me to make friends, I guess.” My lips twist as I think about Ramona, and I wonder if things would be different with her if I had let her in more. She moved out this morning, a week earlier than that timeline she gave me. “Remember I told you how my brother and I didn’t grow up together? Our parents died when we were kids, and I moved around a lot after.”
That’s putting it mildly. My social worker told me I was unusual in that I had to switch foster parents so often, but I eventually learned not to try so hard when I arrived at a new house because I knew I wouldn’t stay long. Even now as an adult, I don’t always know how to let down my guard.
Sienna’s eyes fill with sympathy. “I’m not trying to be critical. I’d just hate for you to miss out on this thing with Rider because you’re scared of getting hurt. Could he hurt you? Absolutely. But you guys have off-the-charts chemistry, man. I feel like you two will combust if you don’t get together.”
I almost laugh. “It feels that way, honestly.”
“Has he at least apologized for whatever happened between you guys freshman year?”
“Yes. He’s apologized.” I fiddle with the button on my shirt. “Twice.”
“So that’s a good start, right?”
I nod.
“’Course, it’s probably weird he had a baby with another woman.”Then there’s that.“Has he said anything about who she is?” Sienna overheard Noxious talking about the mysterious baby mama the other day at the football house.
“No, and I’ve chickened out and haven’t asked.”
“I don’t blame you. Talk about awkward.” When I don’t add anything, she asks, “How’s he been since the last apology? I’m guessing it’s going well since you freaked over his game with me.”
“No, I freaked over his game because I can’t help myself, but he was a little distant this last week. After he apologized last weekend, I saw him a few times when he picked up Poppy, but we didn’t really talk.”
No one has the power to make me crazy like Rider. Okay, my brother makes me nuts too sometimes, but in terms of men I’m not related to, only Rider makes me question my sanity.And check my phone all day for his texts.
Sienna must sense I have to get this out because she lets me rant. “I sent him those pics we took yesterday with the apple sauce, and it took himfive hoursto get back to me. And I literally hate myself for counting that time.”
I smother my face with the small couch pillow, and she chuckles.
“He was on a bus with a million other guys. Maybe his phone died? Or he took a nap? Or he was doing whatever football players do to mentally prepare?”
Hugging the pillow to my chest, I slouch back on the couch. “All valid suggestions, but after not talking much last week, I thought maybe he was trying to send a message. That we arejustfriends. He said as much last weekend.” I roll my eyes and reluctantly admit the rest because I’m not sure how to interpret it. “Full disclosure, he eventually called last night and asked if we could hang out tomorrow. But is it a friendly thing or a date? At this point, I have no idea.”
“Just keep an open mind about everything just in case it’s a date.” She gives me a fierce hug, and I find it hard to not smile in the face of her optimism.
