The girls confer, and Bree says, “Just say you’re babysitting for a friend.”
“But this raises a good point.” Gabby whips out a folder and hands around copies. “This is an NDA, a nondisclosure agreement.”
Knox holds up his hand, which almost makes me laugh. I guess class is in session. When Gabby turns to him, he asks, “If the kid is ours, why do we need to sign this?”
“Good question. I figured we’d all sign. The forms will eventually go to the father once we get these results. Y’all are little celebrities around here—”
“Ain’t nothing little about me.” Noxious smirks.
She rolls her eyes, likely well aware the perv isn’t referring to his height. “My point is these might tamp down on the gossip a bit. Since we know how fast that travels in this town, I thought the parent would appreciate a certain level of decorum. Think of long term. You might be drafted into the NFL. Who wants the story of what happened last night to end up onSportsCenter?”
“Damn. That’s a good point,” he mutters.
She takes her pencil from behind her ear and taps on her clipboard. “I figure we should have everyone who babysits sign off on the form too, just to maintain your privacy. It’s no less than celebrities require their nannies to do.” Then she picks up a spreadsheet. “I’ll also need everyone to sign up for time slots to watch Poppy. That way we can ensure coverage while still getting everyone to class and practice. Bree and I hope to find a few people to help, but we’ll take turns watching her during your games. I’ll need everyone’s email, and I’ll send you a color-coded copy of the sign-up form.”
Bree catches my eye. “Gabby is good, no?”
No, she’s fucking fantastic.
Gabby ignores the compliment and scans the list on her clipboard. “Before we get to the mommy list, we’ll do the paternity tests, but I have some bad news for you guys.” She flips through the pamphlet tucked among Q-tip vials and instructions. “There’s an additional hundred-dollar fee to process the results.” She glances around the room. “Per test.”
Fuck.The guys all groan, and mentally, I’m tabulating how much more of this I can handle financially. I keep telling myself we’ll have the results in a few days, and one of my roommates will pay me back. Because damn, I need this money.
Tank apologizes for not realizing that detail. “I looked online, though, and this one is still the most affordable.”
“It’s okay, bro. Thanks for getting them.” I reach over, and we fist-bump. “Did anyone give you strange looks for buying so many?”
He laughs. “I told the pharmacist I had a busy spring break. Ow!”
Bree punches him in the arm. “You even think about sticking your dick in another girl, and you’re in some deep shit.”
“Aww, boo. You’re the only love bug for me.”
After a huffy moment where Bree seems to contemplate whether forgiveness is in the cards for her boy, he pulls her to him for a kiss. Which eventually leads him to mauling her on the couch. Tongue-in-mouth, hand-on-tit mauling.
Gabby coughs. “Don’t worry about us. I’ll just make some popcorn.”
Tank and Bree separate with big smiles on their faces, and Tank adjusts his junk. “What? My woman’s hot.” He waggles his eyebrows at her, and whispers, “Ten minutes. My room.”
Shaking her head while trying to hide her smile, Gabby cleans the coffee table with a Clorox wipe and then organizes the paternity test kits. I can totally see her as a teacher. With her hair up in one of her buns and those skirts she likes to wear sometimes. I’m busy entertaining a full-on teacher fantasy featuring one feisty but beautiful Gabriela Duran when she claps her hands.
“Okay, guys, let’s get to this.”
Knox leaps up and grabs his crotch where he’s rocking a massive boner. “I’m ready to go. Give me my cup.”
Gabby arches an eyebrow as she points to his junk. “Whatexactlydo you think you need to do for the paternity test?”
“Jerk off. Spooge it. Rock out with my cock out.”
Bree chuckles, and Gabby shakes her head. “Sorry to disappoint you, stud muffin, but I just need to swab.”
Knox’s eyes bug out. “Swab my dick?”
“Nooo, your cheek.”
“You need to swab my ass?”
We’re all laughing at this point, and I tell him to sit down. “Get your weapon of mass destruction out of the girls’ faces. Gabby means you need to swabthe inside of your mouth, dumbass.”
