I can’t bring myself to care that Rider is within hearing range. He’s the one who thought we wanted different things in life. I guess he was right. “Assuming I can find someone to date who isn’t an idiot? I guess I’d like a big family.”
“I heard about the paramedic. That he was hooking up at the party behind your back. You want me to spike his drink with a strong laxative?”
A smile almost makes its way to my face. “No, but thank you for the offer.” I sigh. “It wasn’t working out between us anyway. It’s okay. He wasn’tthe one. I’m not all broken up about it, honestly. I just thought I should go out with him since it’s been a while since…”
“Since you got any bow-chicka-bow-wow?”
We both laugh. “Yeah. That. Plus, the last boyfriend I had was sophomore year. I thought it was time to venture out there again.”
“Are you telling me you haven’t dated anyone since sophomore year?” Her eyes bug out.
“What can I say? I’m picky.” The back of my neck heats, letting me know that Rider isright behind me now. And it makes me want to clarify something. “I dated this great guy Sean sophomore year. He was my first.Some guysare afraid to date a virgin. Afraid they’ll get too clingy or make too many demands. But we had fun together.”
It was a relief to break the seal. Guys get weird about the virgin thing, and I was starting to get a complex. I used to think I wanted to have sex with someone I loved the first time, but now I’m grateful I wasn’t too gone for Sean. He was leaving anyway. This way, no one got hurt.
“Where is he now?”
“New York. He got offered a job after graduation, so we parted as friends.” I pick up a baby blanket and run my finger over the ladybug stitched in the corner. “But back to your kid question, if I did findthe guy, I’d want more than one kid if I had any at all. Because bad things happen to people all the time, and at least this way I could be assured the kids would have each other.”
My brother obviously doesn’t realize we’re supposed to support one another and be a team.
This whole semester has been a painful realization of where I stand with Ben. When we lived on opposite sides of campus, it was easy to rationalize the distance since we didn’t grow up together after our parents died, but now that he lives across the street, I can see he’s not interested in having a relationship with me.
She squeezes my arm.
“I’m okay. I usually try to forget all of that stuff, but with Poppy being in this situation, I felt I had to speak up, you know?”
“You did the right thing,” Bree says. “Those dumbasses will thank you someday.” Rider coughs dramatically, and Bree smirks. “Yeah, you heard me right back there.”
I glance behind me and see Rider’s lips tugging up.
Bree nudges me. “How’d you end up doing so well in school given everything you went through? Going through foster care? Not having parents?”
“I kept to myself mostly.” I shrug. “School and studying were always safe. Books don’t level you with a backhand to the face or a kick to the ribs.”
When I see the horrified look on her face, I cringe. “Bree, I survived. A lot of other kids have it worse. Which is why I’m really glad we’re protecting Poppy.”
She stops to hug me, and I smile. I’ve had so few hugs in my life, I forgot how good they feel. She sniffles and waves her hand at me. “Ignore me. I’m not crying.”
Over her shoulder, I catch Rider’s fierce expression, but I don’t want his sympathy. I don’t needanybody’ssympathy.
I resume our trek down the aisle and change the subject before this gets any more awkward. “So how freaked out are the guys who are babysitting right now?”
Bree snickers. “They’re prolly shitting their briefs.”
When Rider picks up a random box off the shelf, Bree cackles. “Chief, we don’t need that unless you’re planning to breastfeed.”
“Oh, shit.” He puts the manual breast pump back so fast, we crack up.
But his laughter is long gone once we’re at the checkout, and he gets the bill. “How can one small child cost this much?”
Remembering back to when my mom struggled to afford stuff for Ben and me as a single mom, I almost sympathize, but then I remember this is Rider, the golden boy. Everything always works out for him. He doesn’t need my concern.
* * *
Bree has to make a phone call, so after loading up Rider’s old Jeep, I find myself alone with this man for the first time in three years.
It’s more unsettling than I anticipated.
