I give in to the heartbreak and hopelessness and the despair. I feel it all the way into the cracks of my soul.
Because I’m not just losing Rider. I’m also losing Poppy.
For a flash, I’m eight years old, in the back of a social worker’s dusty car, driving away from my mom’s ramshackle house all over again. Losing my brother. Losing my beautiful mother. Losing everyone who meant anything to me.
I shake my head.I can’t do this again. I won’t.
And I decide right here, right now—this is the last time I shed a tear over that man.
Fuck Rider Kingston.
65
RIDER
I loosenmy tie and try not to cringe when Poppy fists it in her sticky palm.
When I woke up this morning and realized I didn’t have a babysitter scheduled, it sank in just how much I’ve taken Gabby’s help for granted.
I’m such an asshole.
The shame grows with every passing moment, but I promise myself that the moment I get out of today’s meeting, I’m hauling it to her place to beg her forgiveness. I’ve never begged a woman for anything, but I’ll do it for Gabby.
The more time that passes since our argument on Tuesday, the more I realize she had every right to be pissed. If I’d seen her hanging out with an ex the way she saw me with Miranda, I’d be ready to toss tables too.I never should’ve listened to Olly and waited to talk to Gabby.
Tank smacks me on the back as he sits next to me and gives me that look, the one he gives me when it’s do-or-die time, which is typically when I’m facing three-hundred-pound linebackers, not a room full of academics. But Coach warned me these people have the power to end my football career today.
It’s a humbling realization.
I’m seated at a long conference table across from eight administrators, which includes the provost of the school and the athletic director.
I hope I don’t regret turning down Miranda’s offer to help me with an attorney, but I thought long and hard about what Gabby said the other night. Combined with my roommates’ impressions that Miranda was after more than what she’s been suggesting, I didn’t want to owe her anything.
Whether Miranda’s somehow responsible for the situation I’m in right now, I’m not sure I have any way of finding out. Except I trust Gabby. As pissed as she is at me right now, she has a good head on her shoulders, something I lack at times, as my current situation reflects. But between her instincts on Miranda and my roommates, I think it’s best to distance myself from Mira right now.
The door behind me creaks open, and I turn to find the rest of my teammates entering. Everyone’s wearing a suit and tie.
The provost, Dr. Isaacson, jumps up. “Gentlemen, we cannot fit the entire football team in the conference room.”
Olly steps forward. “We’re here to support our captain. We’ll be quiet.” And then they all line up behind me.
Dr. Isaacson glares at Coach, who shifts in his seat before he turns to the team. “Boys, I know Rider’s grateful you’re here, but some of today’s discussion will be private, so I need you to wait downstairs.”
Tank gives me a sympathetic look as he fist-bumps me. Half the team grabs my shoulder. Even Meyers, my replacement, leans down to wish me luck.
It kinda chokes me up, to be honest.
Once the guys are gone, the door opens again, and heels click across the Spanish tile, and for a brief moment, I think it’s Gabby.
It hits me. I love that woman. So fucking much. And I’m the biggest idiot on the planet for not begging for her forgiveness the other night.
Yes, I’ve been freaked out about football and what’s going to happen with my career. Yes, I’ve been sleep-deprived and worried sick, but above all that noise, the truth levels me: if I get the game back, but she walks out of my life, it’ll wreck me.
I swallow. Hard. How the hell am I gonna make it right between us again?
I’ve been a mess all week. When my dad called to bitch me out yesterday, I lost it. At first, I hoped he’d called to support me, to say something fucking fatherly for once. To offer some advice. But no, he just wanted to rub my face in the scandal and call me a dumbass for getting serious with Gabby.
I snapped, yelled shit I knew he wanted to hear just to get him off the phone, but it rattled me. How could someone who supposedly loved me believe the worst about me?
