Because the gun goesoff.
42
Joey
It flickers,in and out, like a clip at the end of a moviereel.
Thelights.
Red andblue.
Colorsflashing.
So muchflashing.
I’m not sure if it’s from actual lights or the nuclear explosion happening in mybrain.
I groan and crack open my eyes only to slam them shut again when the brightness of the room stabs me in thecranium.
“She’s awake. Thank God. Logan, honey…” I recognize the voice. Bev. It’s such a comfort to me, I let go and fade back into the darkness. I’m sotired.
At some point, Logan’s whisper in my ear drags me back. He sounds so sad. So desperate. I want to tell him I’m fine and not to worry, but I can’t move mylips.
I’m supposed to be mad at him. Vaguely, I remember he broke myheart.
I’ve always loved Logan. Does he know this? I get the distinct feeling I shouldn’t. Like he’s done something so terrible, I’m supposed to hold it against him. But I don’t want to be upset with him. I love him too much. It’ll shatter me if what he did was reallybad.
Did he cheat on me? Like Daddy thought Mama cheated on him? That would bedevastating.
Logan’s apologizing. Telling me not to cry. Wiping gently under myeyes.
But I must be dreaming because I hear Silas too, and I know Silas would never be anywhere near Logan. I let that thought take over and allow myself to fade. I could sleep forever and never wake up, and that would be fine withme.
“Baby, I love you so fucking much.” Logan’s voice is rough, raw. He soundsgutted.
When my lashes flutter open, I see him hunched over me, holding my hand, looking like someone killed his bestfriend.
“Am I dying?” I croak, my throat so dry. Because why am I in thehospital?
His head jerks, and he laughs when he sees me awake. He wipes his eyes. “Holy shit, Bitsy. You scared me. I was so afraid I was gonna loseyou.”
He’s kissing me, and nurses rush in who poke and prod me. A doctor ushers everyone out so he can examine me more carefully. He says something about a lot of blood loss and a concussion and low blood pressure. How I’m lucky to be alive. About how they’ll have to wake me every so often so I don’t die in my sleep. That sounds ominous, but I’m too tired to care about the details. Everything feels fuzzy, like there’s a layer of gauze over my thoughts. It’s hard to speak, hard to think, exhausting tomove.
I sleep until dawn becomes day. At least I think it’s day. Nurses nudge me every so often, and I grunt at them until they leave mebe.
It’s not until I’m alone, when the room is still and so quiet I can hear the drip of the faucet in the bathroom, that I remember whathappened.
My eyes fly open on agasp.
An alarm sounds by my head. Wincing, I reach up to rub my temple, but there’s gauze, and the pressure is intense from the light touch of mypalm.
“Sweetie, calm down.” A nurse jogs in and pushes some buttons that shut off that ungodly sound. She listens to my heart and lungs. Takes my blood pressure andtemperature.
Logan runs in with Bev on hisheels.
It’s the expression on Logan’s face that does mein.
His bloodshot eyes sport dark circles. He looks devastated. Like he cares about me. Like I mean something to him, and he’s worried I gothurt.
