Of course, that would require time I don’t have to socialize in ways I’m not interestedin.
Whatever the solution to my wayward thoughts, one thing is clear—I need to stay away from Joey until they subside. And that shouldn’t be too hard. She’ll probably bunk here where my mother will monopolize all of her time until Ethan’swedding.
I’m not sure how long I tune out and mindlessly gulp down dinner, but my mother’s next question makes me pause with my fork halfway to mymouth.
“Joey, honey.” My mom’s voice carries over everyone else’s. “When are you headed back toFlorida?”
Unease crawls up my spine. I’ve been so preoccupied with her return that I hadn’t thought about her leavingagain.
She shrugs, her eyes catching mine before she looks away. “Probably in two weeks, so a few days after thewedding.”
Twin spikes of pain and hunger launch through me. Pain that this visit will probably be the last time I see her in the foreseeable future, and hunger for something I can never have and shouldn’twant.
I grip my fork and, before I can help myself, blurt out, “Why aren’t you stayinglonger?”
After a long silence, Joey sighs. “I was barely making ends meet here. At least in Florida I can work for my cousin, who’s opening a newsalon.”
“But that’s ’cause you were paying everyone else’s bills.” Her good-for-nothing brother would rack up debt and let his little sister deal with it, like she didn’t have her hands full enough with her grandmother, who had early-onset dementia. One minute Rosalie would be lucid and the next she’d be calling Joey by her mother’s name, the mother who died when Joey wastwelve.
My heart swells for her. Jo’s been through so much, but you’d never know it. She’s always so sweet and loving despite the hand she drew in life. No wonder my family grafted her on like she’s one ofours.
“I just think it’d be easier if I left.” The resignation in her voice killsme.
I consider all the times she’s given me pep talks, and I wanna be that same voice of optimism for her. “What if you got a job in Austin? It would probably pay more than staying local.” Our town is barely a speck on themap.
“And where am I supposed to stay?” Now she looks pissed, not at me necessarily. I mean, I don’t think. “Silas sold the house. I’m guessing Gran’s Buick isn’t sitting in the driveway waiting for me. What am I supposed to do? Ride a bike to work in the Texas heat? Borrow one of your horses and hoof it to work?” She laughs, unamused and sounding much older than her twenty-two years. “I’m tired of everything being so difficult. Don’t you ever want life to work out? For the universe to tell you that you’re on the right path because the dominoes line up? And I’m not talking about working hard. I mean not always feeling like I’m swimming upstream all thetime.”
Patrick sets down his fork. “Did you know that after salmon swim upstream, they lay their eggs anddie?”
I narrow my eyes at him.Seriously?
“What? It’s true. I saw this documentary on National Geographic. Most go back to the place they were born to kick the bucket.” He slurps up a giant bite of mashed potatoes. “And apparently you can eat them once they’re dead. It’s not weird or anything, like barbecuing roadkill. That is, if the salmon aren’t gobbled up first by a bear orbeaver.”
Everyone stares athim.
Mila turns to her dad. “What’s roadkill? And have we barbecuedit?”
Ethan gives me a look like this is myfault.
Needing to redirect this conversation, I motion between my mother and brother. “Is there any way to challenge the sale of Rosalie’shouse?”
The expressions on their faces say it all. Ethan’s brows pull tight. “Doubtful. The new family’s already livingthere.”
My mom pats Joey’s hand gently. “I was so sorry to hear about your grandmother. She was a lovely woman. When I heard the news, I lit a candle for her atchurch.”
“Thank you. That means a lot tome.”
“Sorry, Jo. I know that had to be hard. We all loved Gran.” I clear my throat. It killed me to not be there for her when Rosaliedied.
But then again, I didn’t find out until weeks after she passed when Tori mentionedit.
I might still be a little butthurt Jo didn’t tell me herself. Fine—I’m pissed about it, but I know that’s immature, so I try to think of something more consoling tosay.
“Silas is an ass for selling that house.” Yeah, I might need to work on mycondolences.
God, I am a fuck-up.
Thankfully, Joey’s expression tells me she knows what Imean.
