I reckon a lot of people have phobias. My brother loses his shit any time a snake slithers around here. But I don’t tell her that because I’m not sure if her fear extends to all creepy-crawlies or just the arachnid variety, and I’d rather not point out the wide assortment of pests native to SouthTexas.
Anyway, it’s no hardship to hold her right now, so I can’tcomplain.
“I’m still sorry I freaked out there.” She sniffles and snuggles closer. “Thanks for not droppingme.”
“I would never dropyou.”
Burrowing against me, she shakes her head. “I had a bad experience as a kid withspiders.”
“I’m sorry, honey. What happened? I mean, if you want to talk about it. You don’t haveto.”
“It’s sostupid.”
“I’m sure it’s not, babe. Trauma that happens to you when you’re a kid can stick with you long after the scars on your skin havefaded.”
She sinks into me and sighs. “I was playing with my neighbor. Her older sister babysat us while my grandmother worked, and I made the mistake of hiding in the shed along the back of the property. My friend must’ve gotten bored and stopped playing, so she didn’t hear me yell. Didn’t know I had gotten stuck and couldn’t get out.” Her voice is nearly a whisper when she says, “There must’ve been dozens of spiders in there, crawling all over me. I had bites everywhere when they finally found me late thatnight.”
“Oh, shit. That had to beterrifying.”
“I had nightmares for years. But the part that always crushed my stupid little heart was how embarrassed Iwas.”
“Why were youembarrassed?”
Groaning, she shakes her head. “I felt so forgotten. My friend forgot me. Her sister didn’t care that I had taken off. My grandmother didn’t realize I wasn’t at the neighbors’ until several hours later, so she didn’t know to look forme.”
That would hurt any kid. “Where were yourparents?”
Shrugging, she gives me a sad smile. “Not sure. They traveled a lot when I was young. They were migrant workers. So I’d stay with my grandmother for months at atime.”
“What about yoursister?”
“I’m guessing with my parents. I was probably around Mila’s age, so I don’t remember all the details. Just being trapped and bitten and freakedout.”
The thought of my daughter being in a similar situation nearly steals my breath. A confusing mix of rage and helplessness swirls in my gut, making me wonder what I’d do if that ever happened to Mila orCody.
Fuck, I’d wanna killsomeone.
I squeeze her tighter. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, sweetness. That I couldn’t be there foryou.”
Another sniffle escapes her. “Pretty sure if we’d been friends when we were kids, I’d have made you eat mud pies, so count yourselflucky.”
And I’m pretty sure if I’d known a young Tori, I’d have been smitten from the get-go. “I love a woman who doesn’t mind getting dirty.” I give her my most charming smile with an innocent bat of myeyelashes.
“Lord, look at you.” She presses her hand against my whole face and laughs. “You’re too pretty to do that to a girl,Ethan.”
Snatching her off the counter, I pretend to gobble her neck. It’s the kind of thing I do with my kids. Tori’s laughing and flailing, except this time it’s because she’s havingfun.
Her towel and robe are sliding off, but I don’t care. I’m not gonna steal a peek. Just want her to forget the bad stuff that happened when she wasyoung.
“Baby, we gotta rinse youoff.”
In the mirror behind us, glops of shampoo and bubbles glisten in her darkstrands.
“No, no, I’m fine.” Her whole body stiffens as she shakes her head vehemently. “I can’t… I can’t get back in theretonight.”
I set her back down on the counter. “Hey.” I tilt her chin up and wait for her to look into my eyes. “First off, I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want.Ever.”
I caress her soft cheek with the pad of my thumb, and she relaxes in my arms andnods.
