This will be Violet’s first time out here and only my second since his death.
There is a lot of emotion, but also a sense of peace. I’ll introduce my father to his granddaughter, like I promised him I would.
“Are you okay?” Violet asks me.
I look down at her with a soft smile. “I’m sad, but okay.”
We talked a lot about this moment, coming here together, and Violet was really who encouraged it. She wanted my father to meet Courtney and for me to get to talk to him about her.
We approach the clearing where the headstone sits. She places flowers and the plant we decided to put in the ground near him. Something that will represent Courtney as she grows.
After doing that, she returns to me and wraps her arms around my waist, adjusting the blanket over Courtney as she fusses. “I think someone is excited.”
“Or hungry,” I say.
“Or that, but let’s pretend it’s my version,” Violet says under her breath.
I walk forward, crouching like I did the first time I came here. “Hi, Dad. I wanted to introduce you to your granddaughter. This is Courtney Ivy Finnegan.”
The last word comes out almost choked. I thought I could get through this without crying, but it fucking sucks. It shouldn’t be like this. My father would’ve loved her, doted on her, and spoiled her rotten. A rush of sadness overwhelms me.
Violet’s hand rests on my shoulder, and I keep it together. “She’s beautiful, Dad. She looks like Violet, so of course she is. While you may never meet in this life, I promise to tell her all about you, and I know you’ll be checking in on her. Thanks for helping me throughout my life and showing me what real love is like.”
I kiss Violet’s temple and the top of Courtney's head.
This is more than I ever imagined, and I’m going to hold on with both hands.
