Just then Hazel comes over. “We have some food in the back and a cake. I’d like to decorate it with the right color ...”
“Nice try,” I say.
Hazel lets out a very long sigh. “You’re annoying, that’s what you are.”
I shrug. “What can I say? I am who I am.”
Violet grins. “I happen to love who you are.”
Hazel makes a gagging noise. “Ugh, I forgot how much I hate being around you two when you’re all googly eyed.”
“After the last few weeks we’ve had, I think we should get a pass.”
“Fine, but you get two days. After that, no more of it,” Hazel jokes. “We wouldn’t want to let you get a big head. Besides, I think you owe me.”
I owe her for so much. She’s been there for me through it all, but most recently, it was Hazel who came to my rescue when Violet was in California. I was a fucking mess. All I did was worry about her, and when I came to Hazel, told her that I needed to go, she didn’t hesitate. She packed a bag and came to stay at my house.
I clear my throat. “I wanted to thank you again for staying with Mom.”
Hazel snorts. “Everett, shut up. Of course I was going to stay with her. She’s like my second mother, but more than that, Violet needed you. I would do anything for you guys.”
Violet steps forward. “We know, and you’re an amazing friend.”
“I would agree with that,” Hazel tries to joke.
She hates compliments. She almost runs solely off sarcasm and the need to cause me stress. I just won’t stop telling her how much I appreciate her.
“And you truly are. I wouldn’t be here without you,” I say in all honesty.
Hazel blinks and then practically chokes on a laugh. “Everett Finnegan, who are you? You had the perfect opening to give me shit and you didn’t?”
“I’m turning over a new leaf.”
She rolls her eyes. “Anyway, can you please tell us what you’re having now?”
Violet shares a look with me and I nod. “It’s a girl!”
The room erupts, and the rest of the day we’re surrounded by the people we love.
I’m standing at my father’s grave, a place I haven’t visited since we laid him to rest in the back corner of our family lot. I just couldn’t find the strength to stand before the man I would never measure up to.
This morning I woke before Violet and looked at the fresh snowfall out the window, immediately remembering this day when I was a child. This was my father’s favorite time of the year, the first snow. He would say it was like a fresh start to a whole year. The ground was new and you could use that time to change things so when it melted, it went down to the roots.
I kissed Violet’s forehead, rolled out of bed, and got dressed to come here and say some things I needed to say.
I brush the snow off the top of his headstone and sink down, resting on my heels. “Hi, Dad,” I say, my throat thick with emotion. “Been a while.”
As if he doesn’t know that.
My fingers slide over his name, and I continue talking. “After you died, things sort of just existed. Mom, me, the world, it was as though while we were here, we were lost, which I think caused me to stay away. I didn’t want to tell you any of it. I didn’t wantto tell you that I was failing you,” I admit, hating the words and the truth in them. “You always told me it was my job, as a man, to take care of the women. I didn’t really understand it until you were gone.”
That was when my life went from one extreme to another. My mother needed me to be strong, to take care of her and make sure she was happy. I’ve tried, and I think I’ve done a good job at it so far, but it’s been a struggle.
“I’m doing my best, Dad.” I sigh heavily, closing my eyes as my hand sits on the cold stone. “My life is mirroring yours in so many ways, and I’m afraid,” I admit. “I know I’m not half the man you were, but I want to be. I’m back with Violet, sort of like you and Mom. You guys fell in love when you were kids and were together until death did you part. She’s pregnant with a little girl. While the baby isn’t biologically mine, I’ll raise her as my own, the same as you did with me. I pray the similarities in our life events end there,” I say, speaking the worry into existence. “If you could keep an eye on us, that would be great.”
I can almost hear his laugh, telling me that each man makes his own destiny, but he’ll definitely watch out because that’s what dads do.
He was always good with the one-liners, always quick to offer advice that never sounded like it. Sometimes I find myself quoting him, and I can’t help but smile.
