Toni shrugs, “At least it's a good story.”
“Oh, that's nothing,” Lucy interjects. “You should hear the really colorful bar tales.”
“Remember the incident with the guy who got his cock stuck in?—”
“Let's not.” I cut Oliver off with a laugh.
“Oh no.” Toni turns to me, incredulous. “Beginning a story with 'cock stuck in' and not finishing is cruel and unusual.” Her big brown eyes are expectant.
I sigh. “Some drunk moron during St. Patrick's Day went into the bathroom and tried, inexplicably, to put his dick in a beer bottle.”
“Tried, but I'm assuming did not actually succeed?” I raise my brows. “No,” she shakes her head.
“Yup.” I nod, taking a sip of whiskey. “Managed to get enough in that it got stuck.”
“Oh my god,” Toni says with a horrified laugh. “And how did this come to your attention?”
“Someone complained about a man sobbing in the stall.”
“I'd sob,” Oliver says.
“You wouldn't stick your dick in a bottle,” Lucy says.
“Fair.”
“So I go in and sure enough this man is on the floor, pants down?—”
“Cock partially in a bottle,” Toni finishes.
“Cock in a bottle,” I confirm. “Found his friends, and they insisted we not call the EMS, I assume to save his dignity.”
“True friendship,” Toni says.
I nod. “They tied a jacket around his waist and disappeared into the night.”
“It haunts me that we'll never know what happened to ol' bottle cock,” Oliver sighs.
“Any other harrowing tales?” Toni asks.
Lucy immediately launches into another story from the Two Sons’ archives.
“Now every June we host a charity walk-off.”
“Just a bunch of old men in heels, it'samazing,” Oliver adds.
“And did that guy's knee ever heal?” Toni asks, choking back a laugh.
“No clue,” I say. “My dad told him he'd break the other if he ever caught him in his bar again.”
“And while Mickey is the nicest man alive, do not fuck with him,” Lucy says. “Oh shit!” She looks at her phone. “We gotta go.”
I glance at my watch. We should have headed over to the bar five minutes ago.
“Well, thank you for the drink and the quality entertainment,” Toni says, scooting out.
“Uh, you're coming,” Lucy says as if it's the most obvious thing.
“I am?”
