“I’m not?—”
Lucy cuts me off, “What would you call missing Thanksgiving?”
“Taking a day off,” I grumble.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Oliver says.
The silence hangs between us like a wall.
Surprising no one, Lucy is the one to knock it down. “If it seems like we’re coming on too harsh, I’m sorry. We’re scared, Cilli. Scared we’re gonna lose you.”
Oliver meets my eyes and nods his agreement.
The words hit me harder than any physical blow.
“I—” My voice cracks. “Fuck.”
Any fight left in me floods out in a rush. I squeeze my eyes shut, massaging the bridge of my nose, forcing a steadying breath into my lungs.
Before I can open my eyes, I’m surrounded, Lucy on one side, Oliver on the other.
“Come here.” Lucy wraps an arm around me, and I let her pull my head to her shoulder. Oliver takes my hand in his, and we stay like that for a time.
No words.
Just me letting my friends be there.
“For what it’s worth,” I say once I feel less on the verge of shattering, “I wasn’t trying to shut everyone out, it was just...Everything felt like it was caving in. Joey, and Toni, and keeping the bar running and?—”
“What about Toni?” Lucy asks.
“I’m in love with her.” Saying it out loud feels like being shot in the chest all over again.
Oliver snorts. “Obviously. Ow!” He exclaims as Lucy reaches behind me and flicks him hard on the ear.
“Shut up,” she hisses.
I can’t help but laugh. “I’m that transparent, huh?”
Lucy grimaces. “Crystal clear.”
“Why is that a problem?” Oliver asks.
“She doesn’t feel the same.” I feel, rather than see, the look the two of them exchange. “She doesn’t. She views us as just friends. And I wanna be okay with that. I’d be lucky to be her friend. It’s just hard.”
“That sucks, man,” Oliver says.
I shrug. “It is what it is.”
“But have you—” Lucy begins.
“Let it go, Lu,” Oliver cuts her off. Lucy sighs. “Is the bar struggling?”
I’m so grateful for the subject change, I consider flinging my arms around the man. Shop talk was an easier pill to swallow. “Business is good—great even—but getting new people in and schedules worked out, and with Ginelle leaving?—”
“Leaving?” Lucy asks.
I look at her, a bit surprised by her confusion. “Yeah...She can’t exactly commute in from Denver.”
