“I think I felt it when they first woke you up. Everything snapped into place—I felt like I could breathe for the first time. I think I’ve always felt you, Otto. I’ve always been waiting for you—this version of you. I’m not going anywhere now that you’re finally here. It doesn’t matter what you do… I’m always going to be here.”
When I leaned in to press my lips to his, he jerked back, his expression unsure.
“London, my hands are stained with blood. I’m not fit to touch you right now.”
I felt my lips quirk into a humorless smile. I slid my fingers through his, ignoring the heat slipping against my palm. “You don’t get to decide the sins I want to keep, Otto. My entire life seems like it’s been written in blood, made up from the transgressions of my past. At least this time, it’s not mine and it’s not yours. Hudsondeservedit.”
“I’llhurtyou, London.” Even as he said it, he drew me closer to him, his fingers bruising where he gripped my hips. Otto dropped his head to my shoulder and his teeth were sharp where they nipped at my jawline. “You don’t understand. I wanted to hurt you, seeing you chained up and soaked in blood. I wanted—”
“I’m tired, Otto. I’m tired of fighting this. I’m tired of fightingus. For the first time in my life, I want to control my reactions. I don’t want this to be another scar that makes me break. Let me have this.”
“London—”
I cut him off, stepping back and pulling him toward the house, out of the rain. “If you’re that worried about hurting me, we’ll use this.” I lifted my wrist so the cuff, still attached, dangled between us. Before he could open his mouth, I added. “Not on me. You. I can return the favor.”
Chapter 20
Otto
Returnthefavor.
London had just been attacked—again—by the same asshole I’d seen put bruises on his face more than once. He’d been covered in blood and soaked with rain… and somehow his response was that he couldreturn the favor.
I couldn’t understand him.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to try as he took my hand and quietly led me back into the house. He avoided the room where I’d left Hudson’s body, his eyes flicking to the door for just a moment like he had to acknowledge what was there before he could keep moving. He wanted to erase the scars, to overwrite the trauma of watching someone else die, the trauma of what had almost happened to him…
He wanted to overwrite it withme.
I could have told him it wasn’t a healthy response—he’d nearly been assaulted. Cuffing the man who’d kidnapped you and having sex probably wasn’t the best way to cope with that, but… maybe I was tired of running too.
I was tired of wanting, and needing, and imagining whatLondonfelt like.
I wanted him, and if this was the only way I could have him, I was going to take it. I pushed him into the guest bathroom so he could clean himself up. “I’ll be in the guest room.” I pressed close to him, murmuring the promise against his jawline as I carefully removed the cuffs still dangling from his wrists. He nodded, swallowing hard enough I could feel it where I pressed against his skin, but he didn’t try to leave when he stepped away from me.
He went into the bathroom, and after a few minutes, I heard the shower turn on.
He really wanted to do this.
And I was realizing there wasn’t a world where I could ever have told him no.
I made quick work of rolling up Hudson’s body in the comforter, but I’d have to worry about dumping it later. Instead, I slipped into the bathroom and scrubbed myself clean of blood. At least on the surface, I looked innocent enough. On the surface, we could both pretend that our pasts weren’t stained so crimson that nothing like hot water would ever really be able to wash it off.
I was already settling into the guest bedroom by the time London finally came out of the shower. His footsteps were soft, hesitant. They still carried him to the doorway, and when I lifted my eyes, his arms were wrapped around his waist. His entire upper body was on display, wet with droplets of water…
He looked shell-shocked and a little overwhelmed, but he still stepped across the room and picked up the handcuffs I’d used on him from the bedside table. When he fiddled with the metal without saying anything, I tried to take them from him.
“We can just sleep, London. You probably need to rest after…”
“Get on the bed, please?” He murmured in response. It wasn’t a demand—it wasn’t an order. It wasn’t commanding, the way Nikki had been once upon a time. The question came on the wings of a trembling tone and a soft desperation that moved me more than any order could have. London had me tied up in threads made of soft sunlight, and I was unwilling to struggle against them and risk snapping the strands. I was pretty sure if I did, all of his light would fade away once and for all.
I’d already lived in a world full of darkness once. I didn’t want to do it again.
Which meant I lay back on the bed and watched him with curious eyes as he crawled in beside me with the handcuffs still held in his shaking fingers. He looked half out of it, half terrified.
London looked like this moment was something that was going to change him forever.
“Are you sure you want to do this? London, I…” I wasn’t really one to askpermissionlike this. When I’d had him locked away at the facility, I’d done everything I could to torment him. I’d never asked to crawl in beside him. When I’d gone into his apartment, I hadn’t really bothered getting some firm green light before I put my cock down his throat.
