Our next life. How many times had Otto and I known one another?
Twenty minutes later, I’d booked a hotel room for a few weeks. Even though it was eating into my savings, I felt better knowing I had somewhere to go, somewhere to land on my feet if I needed. I had to have a space that was justmineif I was going to figure all of this out.
Fuck, it felt like everything around me was creeping in, and if I closed my eyes, something was going to give and I’d drown.
I had to figure out if Iwantedto drown before I took the plunge.
And before I did that, I needed to get my shit back from Hudson so I could close that chapter of my life for good.
When I got to the apartment building, I made sure to glance around the parking lot. Hudson’s car wasn’t there, and a quick peek through our window didn’t show any light shining through.
I’d be worried if I thought I was going to take a long time getting my things… but I had plans to be in and out as quickly as I could. It wasn’t like I had much that really mattered to me.
A few clothes. Maybe some of my books, my birth certificate. That was about it.
It was sad when I thought about it. Nothing in my life had really mattered to me all that much. I didn’t have mementosfrom my family—I’d been in the foster system most of my life. I’d had so many families, and none of them had wanted to keep me.
Everything had been transitional. It didn’t matter. Nothing in the apartment was important, and if I didn’t have some of my outfits for work hanging in the closet, I wouldn’t have bothered going back at all.
I took another few seconds to glance around and make sure I couldn’t see any sign of Hudson, then I let myself into the building and made my way down the hall.
The white piece of paper taped to my door brought me up short—I didn’t think our rent was past due, so there was no reason for the landlord to leave a message. And it honestly didn’t matter… I was going to get my stuff, and then it was Hudson’s shit to deal with. If he hadn’t paid, that was on him.
I stepped closer, and something feltoff. The writing on the paper was in bold, dark letters. It didn’t look like a notice.
It looked ominous.
I tore it from the door and stepped inside, locking the handle behind me as I did.
I know who you are. I know what you’ve done. You can’t get away with the lives you’ve destroyed.
I had to read it three times to make it make sense. The only person who’d ever accused me of anything was Otto, and it’d be weird for him to leave a cryptic letter on my door now, especially after he’d been so bold about… well, everything he’d done to get revenge.
He hadn’t mentioned anyone else I’d wronged in my past, though if he was out there running around like some living, breathing version of karma, maybe there were more people.
How many people had I hurt after I’d gotten him killed?
How many people had I broken in my past lives?
How could I deserve happiness now if I’d caused so much pain before?
It was the last question that twisted in my chest, because I was having a hard time pretending I didn’t know who I wanted happiness from, even though it seemed impossible. It didn’t make sense, and maybe it didn’t have to make sense.
Maybe the only kind of happiness I could have was in hands that were better suited to breaking me than holding me together.
I just knew nothing had felt right before I’d met Otto. Nothing had made sense. It still didn’t, but for the first time, I didn’t feel like I was just drifting. I felt like I belonged somewhere…
And the letter in my hand was like living proof that I was every bit the monster he’d said I was, so being wrapped up in the arms of a man like Otto was exactly where I belonged.
My eyes were so focused on the letter in my hands that I didn’t realize there was a sound behind me until pain lanced through my body. There was a brief second where I thought it was whoever had left the note, but the snarl of irritation behind me was familiar.
Hudson.
Hudson, who grabbed me by the shoulder after the punch to my ribs and whirled me around.
Hudson, whose fist landed across my jaw in a violent motion that made my ears ring. The entire room was a haze of high-pitched ringing and blurred white, where I was faintly aware that he connected another blow to my stomach.
Where I was faintly aware that he was saying something about teaching me a lesson.
