CHAPTER 1
KIKI EMMERSON
Istep into the chapel and immediately know I chose the wrong thing to wear. The internet said wearing jeans was fine for church. Apparently, the internet doesn’t go to church at Fellowship Grace on Willow Shade Island off the coast of Georgia. Everyone turns to look at me, all the women in their southern dresses, as I slip onto a pew in the back row. I pray all the nosey people will turn back around and stop staring at my Wranglers with holes in the knees. How was I supposed to know the internet was wrong? I haven’t been to church in years.
I glance around the chapel. This was a bad idea. I know it as soon as I catch a glimpse of Tobias Barrett sitting in the front. The sight of him makes my throat go dry. He’s much more handsome in person than in the photos I scraped off the internet. His dark hair is styled to fall perfectly on his forehead, and I can tell from the way his suit jacket sits on him he’s got a home gym in that mansion he lives in.
Tobias leans toward a man I can only assume is one of his younger brothers. They share the same profile, sharp chin, and Hollywood style cheekbones. The service hasn’t started yet, and they’re in an animated conversation about something. If only I’d arrived earlier, and worn a dress, maybe I would have had the guts to sit on the pew behind them. As it is, I’m pretty sure I’ll duck out the back before the service ends. That’s what I tell myself, until I catch sight ofher.
I know it’s her the instant I see her. She’s the right age, about five. And she looks just like I did at that age. My breath catches. She’s wearing a pink and white dress, the frilly kind that screams “little southern belle.” She’s walking with another Barrett brother, probably the youngest from the looks of it. Her eyes light up when she sees Tobias, and she runs to him, her little feet in dainty white church shoes. She throws her arms around his neck and squeezes with all her might. Emotion surges in my chest. I blink back tears. That’s her. That’s my daughter.
A woman turns around in the pew ahead of me and smiles. She reminds me of Aunt Bee from that old TV show. A grandmother type. The soft and fluffy kind. “Are you new here?” she asks.
“Yes,” I manage to squeak out.
“I’m Ellie Marie Brown, but everyone here just calls me Ellie.” She smiles at me expectantly.
“I’m Kiki,” I say. “Kiki Anderson.” The fake last name sticks on my tongue. I’m not used to saying it, but I’m not giving anyone here my real name. And now I feel guilty for lying in a church. Is it extra sinning to lie in a church? Does it count as double or something?
She pats my knee. “You look like such a nice young lady.”
Little does she know how way off base she is. I smile anyway, because anything else would be rude, but I’m sure God is cringing at the woman. I mean, the whole reason I’m at church isto spy on the man who adopted my child. The one I had while in jail. Yeah, I’m such anice young lady.
The pastor stands up at the front, and I force myself to stare at him instead of the man who’s raising my daughter. I question my sanity, and it’s not the first time. I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have hired that shady guy on the internet to find my daughter. I shouldn’t have googled Tobias and learned about his divorce and his brothers. I should go back to Georgia. I’ve seen her. That’s all I really came for.
My palms grow sweaty, and I can’t help but look over at her again. I barely see her brown hair through all the people. I catch a glimpse of a little pink bow, and my throat grows tight. I wore a bow like that when I was a little girl.
I listen to the sermon and squirm as the pastor talks about the evils of the world. I’m pretty sure he’s talking about me. I’ve messed up about everything a person can in their lifetime, and I’m only twenty-four.
My arm itches and I carefully scratch so I don’t take off the makeup covering my tattoo. I’m pretty sure all these proper southern ladies would frown at me if they could see the colorful phoenix that starts on my right wrist and goes up my arm. Even though I don’t fit in here, at least I know it.
The sermon ends and I stand. Before I have a chance to slip out the back, Ellie turns to me and pats my arm. “Come with me, dear. You must stay for refreshments and get to know everyone.”
I open my mouth to say I can’t when I hear a tiny voice carry over the hushed tones of the adults. “Can I have a doughnut now?”
My heart about rips in half, and I can’t leave. Not yet. “I’d like that,” I say to Ellie. I need to look at the little girl again. My soul needs one more mental picture before I leave the island.
Ellie guides me to a basement room where long tables are set up. The smell of coffee and fresh doughnuts fills the air, and Ibreathe in deeply. I haven’t had anything to eat yet today and my stomach growls. The cheap hotel where I’m staying doesn’t offer breakfast.
People bustle in, and I grab a napkin and take a doughnut. I stand off to the side and watch as people file by. “Where are you from, Miss Kiki?” Ellie asks.
“I grew up in Iowa.”
“What part?”
“Des Moines area.”
Ellie nods. “I have heard of it.” She smiles at me like we’re now best friends. “What do you do?”
“I’m between jobs right now.”
A glint forms in her eye. “Ah, looking for work?”
I nod as Tobias enters with his little girl. I don’t even know her name, but she captures my attention so completely I can’t look away. She tugs on Tobias’s hand, pulling him to the table of delights. He gives her a doughnut with sprinkles. My inner child cries with glee. What a good father.
Ellie gets a knowing look on her face and grabs my arm. “Let me introduce you to the town’s most eligible bachelor,” she says in my ear.
I shake my head, but Ellie ignores me and tugs me across the room. “Tobias, this is my friend, Kiki. She’s new in town.”
