Hours later, I shot a quick text out to Josh to apologize for snapping, and thanking him again, but it didn’t make me feel better.
The ache in my chest still lingered. And perhaps Sam was right, better to have Jax in than not and have a disappointed kid on my hands for months.
Truth be told part of me was happy that Max had finally donesomethingfor his son. I shouldn’t have been surprised that the first nice thing he’d done for us was cheating the system.
Almost 11:00 p.m., I started getting ready for the work week. Meal prepping, laundry, and checking emails since I couldn’t sleep. Guilt will truly keep you up at night.
I decided to text Logan to check in on him. I realized later that evening how sweet it was for him to come to watch tryouts given it was an emotional day for him.
I’d lost both my parents in a car accident when Jax was three. They were the only family I had in this town. No siblings. My cousins all moved away ages ago. They had nothing and no one stopping them.
Me: Thanks again for coming today. Hope it was a peaceful evening.
That was stupid.Peaceful evening? Is that a thing?Of course it wasn’t a thing. It was probably why he wasn’t responding. It was twenty minutes later when he finally did.
Logan: Are you up?
Me: Very up.
Logan: Me too. What’s got you up?
Me: Guilt. You?
The benefits of texting is that you can think before sending off a response. Clearly I didn’t take advantage of this benefit, because of course I knew why he was up.
Me: Sorry, don't answer that.
Logan: It was the highlight of my day, to answer your earlier text.
Me: Mine too. Best part of my day.
There was a minute or so before he replied.
Logan: Are you typically super tense during the best part of your day?
I cringed. Talk about being called out. Part of me liked the fact that he was a no B.S. kind of guy and had picked up on my tension. The other was treading with caution.
Me: Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
Sorry for your loss. I’m sure he was an amazing person. If he was anything like you and Tisch.
Good night.
I set the phone down and rested my head on the cushion of my sofa and closed my eyes.
After I lost my parents and every year on the anniversary of their death, I’d be pretty short with everyone too. But I also tended to avoid people. Which struck me as exactly the kind of thing that Logan would do. Keep to himself. Lock out the world.
Shut down the store. Spend dinner with his sister and call everyone out on their bullshit.
Logan showed up today, of all days, where the crowd would surely know him, possibly shoot him looks he didn’t need, and on top of it all, see right through my lies. All because he wanted to support us.
So yeah, I didn’t blame him for that comment.
I picked up my phone, feeling heavy-hearted, hoping I handled that okay.
I wanted so much to be next to him that moment. To provide comfort with what I hoped would be the right words.
My phone dinged sometime later when I was putting in the last load of laundry.
