His next call was going to be his parents. But that would mean a demanded explanation of what happened. Followed by countless calls from his mother until Liz was found. He breathed out a heavy breath and ran a hand over his face, for the tenth time that hour. He needed a drink.
He sat, helpless on the couch with his whiskey on the rocks and tried to remember Liz the way she was. He was surprised at how easy it was to remember her. Her honest smiles and her ‘humor you’ ones. Her compassion and bravery. Her defensiveness and reason.
Reason. The thought triggered a memory for him. Once not too long ago, he sat in the den in the middle of the night, an hour after he’d walked out on Liz. Beating his brains out trying to figure out her reason. She listed quite a few that night. All of which were perfectly understandable. He took another long sip and chuckled at the vision of the man berating a woman who fought with everything she had to keep him. He shook his head and stood to pace around the living room. Something he should probably get used to since he wouldn’t be getting much sleep. He needed to be honest with himself before he went after her. Besides the obvious, there was something else that was bothering him. Something else she wasn’t telling him, he was sure of it.
It wasn’t until his third glass, which he’d given up on adding the rocks to, did he come to recognize what that might have been. It was without a doubt the fact that it was her decision…and hers alone…to keep this from him. Sure, she’d confessed to her being the blame for keeping the secret, but it went further than that. She fully intended to take it to her grave. And possibly made Ben oblige. He’d figured it out between the brief encounters he’d had with both Ben and Megan since. Both of whom had urged her to come clean. And of course, there was Liz’s memory of Ben’s words.
And while on the subject of honesty, he was starting to understand the root of his anger with her secret; The fact that she lived it.
It angered him that the woman he loved had to live a lie that tortured her throughout their marriage. Not to mention, a spark that he set off. He rubbed his temples again. Lizzy would hate it if she knew he were taking the blame for her actions. And he wasn’t. But it wasn’t something he could ignore either.
Given the chance, he’d make it all up to her. Because, yeah, he was kidding himself before. There wouldn’t be a soul in the world that would keep him from being with her.
Chapter 40
LIZ
“Thank you for coming for me.” Liz peeled her eyes off the rainy road in the spacious and clean black SUV.
“Anything for you.” Ben’s expression was hard and his tone indifferent, contrary to what he’d just proclaimed.
“Just don’t take me home.”
“Somehow, I doubt that’s where you were headed,” he replied flatly.
“Thanks.” Was all she was going to say. She’d leave it up to him where they’d go. She guessed to his house so she could confide in Megan. Heaven knew she wasn’t about to talk tohim. Nonetheless, it was still him she called. Something she was probably going to regret and couldn’t explain. She buried her head in her hands for a second then shot him an apologetic look. “I shouldn’t have called you.”
Still, he refused to look at her. Which could be understood. If the wave of thunder didn’t give away that you need to watch the road intensely, then the relentless waterfall over his windshield probably should. “Well, you did.”
“Ben?” She hoped it came out as annoyed as she felt.
“Look, I’m sorry Liz. I’m just…sure you have questions that I’m not really prepared to answer,” he barked. But the frustration seemed to be more at himself than at her. Somehow, she understood that much.
“How did you guess?”
He snickered and his expression softened. But it didn’t last long. “Please tell me Matt told you.”
Her chest ached again at the mention of his name. She shook her head. “I was paid a visit from Clyde.”
Ben glanced at her in shock. “Son of a bitch.” Ben hit the steering wheel and then immediately apologized for losing it.
“Again—not born yesterday,” Liz insisted.
Ben continued to mumble under his breath. “I’m sorry, Liz. It shouldn’t have happened that way.” He glanced at her again, his brows narrowed. “You okay?”
She shrugged at this point. Refusing to think about it anymore. Meanwhile questions were in fact stewing in her chest, waiting to be asked, and if she didn’t get them in order soon, they’d be spilling out in no particular—or coherent—order. She turned to the window to focus on the sound of the torrential rain.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Maybe some other time,” she muttered.
“That’s what got you into this mess,” he joked.
She laughed under her breath but kept her focus on the road. “I love him.” She couldn’t explain why that was all that came out.
“You have no idea how much, Liz.”
“I don’t want to lose him.”
