“No one is going to kick you out of the room, but we just want to discuss ways to…bring you back.”
Her heart sank.You mean bring her back.
“You alright?” Matt’s eyebrows furred.
“Of course. Getting my memory back is...what I want.”
“What you need,” he corrected almost in a question.
Suddenly Matt didn’t seem sleepy anymore, but concerned. He gave her a long, tender look before lifting himself off the bed. With nothing but his briefs on, he sat on the edge, holding her waist. His eyes searching hers as if looking for the truth behind them.
“Liz, you were practically begging me every day to take you back to the hospital. To get more evaluations done, try new things,” he reminded. “You’re hesitant now,” he accurately observed. “What are you afraid of?”
She bit the side of her lip as her eyes wandered around the room. “I guess I just don’t want you to be disappointed…if you’re stuck with me.”
His brows furrowed. He stilled while he glared at her. As if she were a hologram that he could see right through. She immediately regretted uttering the words and refused to breathe again until he spoke. She wasn’t lying, part of her did wonder if he’d be disappointed if her memories never fully returned. She feared her memories more than she feared losing Matt. She knew it didn’t make sense; she’d still have him, but there was an undeniable gut feeling that pained her every time she thought of getting her memory back. She feared the truths, the lies, and the reality. It was as if a death to the life she knew and loved awaited her. Visible chills ran up her arms and she clutched them.
Matt glanced down at them and then back into her eyes. “Liz?”
He always called her Lizzy.
“What if there is something I don’t want to remember?”
He stared at her for a moment before answering. “Then we’ll face it together.”
There was something.“Is it bad?” the lump thickening in her throat.
He breathed out from his nose, swallowed and stepped close to kiss her on the forehead.
“You’re going to be fine.” He turned away from her abruptly and went to put his clothes on with sudden urgency.
She nodded nervously. “I want to get my memory back. I want to be the wife and woman you remember. I want our life back,” she added, desperate for another reaction. She didn’t exactly know what life she supposedly wanted back.
Matt’s expression was unreadable as he buttoned his dark blue shirt. Once he was done, he sauntered up to her and put both hands on her shoulders.
“You want honesty? I miss her. I don’t love who you are any less but I miss the woman I have history with. I miss the woman who trusts me, knows what I can do for her, knows my weaknesses and isn’t afraid to show me hers. I miss her knowing expressions, how she can tell what I’m feeling, regardless of what I’m saying,” he paused. She hoped it wasn’t to give her a chance to speak because at the moment, she could barely breathe.
“I won’t lie to you,” he continued relentlessly. “I want my Lizzy back. I need to tell her how I feel. I remember her just the way she was, and what she means to me and I need to tell her it’s safe to come home.”
He leaned down to kiss her on her cheek, as if she were the stranger, he implied she was. She swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled to get the words out, “Then go get her.”
Chapter 35
MATT
Matt cringed in the elevator of the hospital as he remembered the pained look on Liz’s face before he left. He couldn’t believe it when he heard it. She was terrified of getting her memory back. And he knew why. She’d lose him. Deep inside she must feel Lizzy’s fear. That his wife was hiding within her. And her double was protecting her. He knew it was harsh, but it wasn’t meant for her. It was meant for Lizzy. The love of his life needed to hear it. And if she didn’t, then that’s where the good doctor needed to come in.
Matt was ready to listen.
I should have done this weeks ago.
The elevator door opened to the neuro floor that Matt painfully remembered. If not the bright rounded dove-painted open hall that triggered the memories of that horrendous week, but the undertone scents of bleach and rubbing alcohol sure would do it. Matt paced past the busy waiting area and immediately spotted Dr. Tai, who stood by the rounded reception desk signing papers.
“Dr. Tai,” Matt exhausted. “I apologize, I’m late.”
The doctor barely glanced up at him. He handed the papers back to a waiting receptionist and turned to face him. “Doesn’t matter, you’re here. Please sign in and follow me.” You would think this doctor wasn’t the same man trying to reach Matt for the past few weeks.
Moments later, they were in a large private office. Matt immediately noted the bright blue floors, matching those paper-thin surgery shoe covers and caps. The rest of the room screamed hospital-white. Closed white shutters covered the windows at the back end of the room. One white, out-of-place file cabinet stood at the corner and a white table across it. There was nothing else but two white plastic chairs in the entire room. Seemed like a waste of perfectly good space in the crowded hospital.
