"Mind-blowing," I correct, grinning. "Earth-shattering. Life-changing."
"That's more like it," Asher says, satisfied. Then, more seriously, "Was it, though? Life-changing?"
The question cuts through the post-coital haze, forcing me to confront the implications of what we've just done. Has my life changed? Am I different now than I was this morning?
"Yes," I say finally, the admission feeling like both a surrender and a victory. "I think it was."
His expression softens. "In what way?"
I stare at the ceiling, gathering my thoughts. "I've spent my whole life with this... image of who I am. Straight. Conventional. Following a certain path." I turn to look at Asher. "But that image was incomplete. There was this whole part of myself I wasn't seeing, or was choosing not to see."
"And now?" he prompts.
"Now I see it," I say simply. "And I can't un-see it. Don't want to un-see it."
Asher's hand finds mine on the bed, our fingers intertwining. The simple gesture feels more intimate somehow than what we just did.
"For what it's worth," Asher says, "I like what I see."
The words warm me from the inside out. "Even though I was an ass to you for years?"
Asher laughs. "Especially because you were an ass to me for years. That passion, that fire—it's what drew me to you in the first place."
The memory of the party comes crashing back. "Is that why you pursued me? Because you've had this... thing for me?"
"Partly," Asher admits. "But also because you looked so damn good in those jeans, and I'd had just enough to drink to be brave."
I smile at the memory, at how annoyed I'd been at his attention, at how quickly that annoyance had transformed into something else entirely. "I thought you were hitting on Monica."
"Monica?" He looks genuinely confused for a moment, then understanding dawns. "Your friend's girlfriend? God, no. I was definitely looking at you."
"I see that now. I just... I had this idea of you as this player who hit on anything that moved."
Asher's expression shifts, something like hurt flashing in his eyes before he masks it. "Is that what people say about me?"
I regret my words immediately. "I'm sorry. That was unfair."
"But it's what you thought," he presses, not letting me off the hook.
"Yes," I admit. "It's what I thought. But I was wrong."
Asher is quiet for a moment, then asks, "What do you think now?"
I consider the question, looking at Asher—really looking at him. Not the caricature I'd built in my mind, but the actual person lying beside me. The person who's been patient with me,who's guided me through this exploration, who's shown me a part of myself I never knew existed.
"I think you're more complex than I gave you credit for," I say honestly. "More thoughtful. More... real."
Asher's smile returns, small but genuine. "I'll take that as a compliment."
"It is one," I assure him. Then, after a moment's hesitation, "What happens now?"
It's the question that's been hovering at the edges of my mind since we started this, but I've been too caught up in the moment, in the discovery, to fully confront it. Now, lying here in the aftermath, it can't be avoided any longer.
Asher props himself up on one elbow, looking down at me. "What do you want to happen?"
The question bounces back to me, forcing me to examine my own desires. What do I want? A one-time experiment? A casual arrangement? Something more?
"I don't know," I admit. "I'm still... processing."
