“Do you think less of me now?” He asked her that night after dinner as she was reading the letter.
“Shh!” Lizzie said impatiently. “Let me finish reading.”
He said nothing, but continued pacing the room like a madman. When Elizabeth was done, she stood up and threw the letter into the fire.
“No emergency,” she said with a bright smile, to hide how disgusted she was at the insults she had just read. “And toanswer your previous question, I don’t think less of you. On the contrary, one needs to have a lot of strength to survive a person such as your mother.”
“Thank you,” he said and hugged her.
Lizzie hugged him back as strongly as she could.
Chapter 33
One morning at breakfast, while talking to Isabella, Elizabeth curiously observed how competently Emma curtsied to both her parents as soon as the nurse brought her downstairs. She shared the observation with her husband when they took the girl out for a walk later, and remarked that it was amazing how people of their set were trained to do these things from birth.
“It’s no different in other classes, I imagine,” Colin said. “Everyone teaches their children the skills they believe they’ll need, as early as possible. Before you know it, little Charles will be bowing to you in greeting.”
Three days after her initial proposal, Nicholas and Sophie had approached her with the prayer book in hand.
“We agreed that Charles would be a wonderful name for our son. We think that this entire family needs a fresh start,” Sophie had said.
When Elizabeth had opened the prayer book, she’d noticed a new entry right below Emma’s name.
May 15th, 1800
Birth of Lady Elizabeth Hawkins, daughter of Duke Charles Hawkins and Miss Catherine Williams
Her eyes had immediately sought Charlotte’s entry.
November 26th, 1799
Birth of Lady Charlotte Hawkins, daughter of Duke Charles Hawkins and Lady Madeline Hawkins
Our father was such a pig,she had thought as she wrote down her nephew’s name and date of birth, with a silent prayer to God for her nephew to be better and more healing for the world than his namesake.
“I cannot imagine him being big enough to do that. What skills do you think your child shall need, Your Grace?” Lizzie asked him, smiling at the memory.
He momentarily looked almost shy. “I don’t necessarily have a skill in mind yet. I believe a child needs a strong and firm foundation in their home life that will make them feel stable, safe, and loved. This will make the child feel secure in their place in the world, and they will have the sense that they are accepted by and valuable to those who have given him or her life, and then that child can have the chance to grow into adulthood without seeking that acceptance and sense of worth from others.”
Elizabeth’s mouth dropped open.
“I have been thinking about the topic a lot lately. Don’t look so surprised,” he added with a small frown.
“I’m not, it’s just… All right, I am surprised by how insightful you are.”
“In case you haven’t guessed, I speak from experience,” he said with a hint of self-deprecation. “I am not laying the blame for my misdeeds on other people, that would defeat the idea of redemption, but I have come to understand myself better in the process of trying to be better. The truth is that I washungryfor praise and love and acceptance, and it made me base my ideas of right and wrong on what the majority valued.”
“It’s Wednesday, you know,” Lizzie said with a smile.
“I know, I’ve just written to Brandon this morning. I fear he will be driven to insanity by the frequency of my letters.”
Lizzie smiled at the idea. “I must confess I’ve written to Mrs Brandon as well. I cannot help myself, I want to know every detail of William and Mary’s every day in Norwich.”
“Aren’t we the pair?” he joked. “Do you think they’re happy?” He asked after a while.
“I truly believe they are, and we shall soon get to see for ourselves whether I am right.”
“How has it already been a fortnight?”
