As soon as they arrived at the Mayfair house (Home,he thought with a start), Colin closed himself in his study and started a letter-writing campaign. He wrote to every titled peer he couldremember, invoking and calling in debts, favours, friendships, and familial connexions to raise funds for the hospitals he had visited.
The Foundling Hospital will be my personal project,he decided.
*
During the quieter moments over the next week, the thoughts of the children crept up on him occasionally, but he masterfully evaded them. He had a good reason to feel happier, for something had changed between him and his wife on the day when they were holding the babies, but he was too upset at the change in himself to enjoy it.
Ever since he’d allowed himself to entertain the possibility that each and every illegitimate baby in that room was as precious as his illegitimate wife, he was tormented by the knowledge that none of them would be allowed to improve their lives or rise above the station assigned to them at birth. His mind went back to the Principle of Non-Contradiction.
A proposition and its negation cannot simultaneously be true. Either I am special because I am a duke, and they are all less worthy than I am. Or, every human life is precious and thus deserves the same dignity and opportunities and respect.
His head was starting to ache, but he told himself that was due to the laurel and holly Mary and his wife had used to decorate the house for the holidays. That evening, they were expecting Lady Burnham, the Brandons, and Miss Woodhouse for dinner, and he was looking forward to discussing lighter topics, if only for one night.
*
“You’ve been unusually quiet tonight, Your Grace,” Lady Burnham told him when she approached him where he stood by the fireplace, alone, while the rest of the guests in the large sitting room had gathered around his wife.
“Well.” He smiled fondly at the older woman. “I like listening to others sometimes.”
“How have you been feeling? Your wife has told me a bit about the challenging situations you encounter in your work with the Coopers.”
“I have… I don’t know.” He shook his head. “The last two months have been eventful, to say the least. I find myself questioning things, seeing things with new eyes – it’s rather unsettling. What do you do when a belief you’ve held for most of your life turns out to have been false?”
“You forge ahead, with this new knowledge shaping your future actions,” Lady Burnham said matter-of-factly. “We cannot change the past. We can apologise for it, make amends, show improved behaviour, but we can neverundowhat has already happened.”
“That is a rather bleak way to look at things,” Colin said with a frown, and Lady Burnham laughed softly.
“On the contrary! It is a wonderful, liberating way to live life. Imagine letting go of all the things you cannot possibly do anything about, and instead directing those efforts towards the things you actually can accomplish.”
“I know that Stoic philosophers such as Seneca and Epictetus have preached the same thing: focus on the things that are in your control, such as your thoughts and actions, and simply accept those that are not.”
She nodded.
“What if that’s not good enough?” He almost whispered.
“Then that’s one of the things you cannot do anything about, because that’s not your decision to make,” Lady Burnham retorted.
Colin’s headache was returning.
“Enough about all those philosophical musings,” he said. “How have you been? How’s your brother?”
“Oh, my brother,” Lady Burnham wrinkled her nose. “He doesn’t understand me. I’ve been feeling quite… restless lately. I told him I wanted to go abroad, travel a bit, change my surroundings, I suppose. According to my brother, however, I should not want those things; I should be content to stay at home, or ideally at his home, and just be an elderly widow whose life is over.”
Talbot was taken aback by the sincere admission.
“Do you care much for your brother’s opinion?”
“Unfortunately, I do,” she admitted dejectedly.
“Well, there’s your problem,” Talbot smiled.
*
When Lizzie had told the women of the Mayfair household about her experiences at the hospitals during their exclusive nightly kitchen meetings (which Colin was apparently not good enough for), they had all cried and begged to be allowed to help as well.
Elizabeth had been loath to allow Mrs Barlow and Jane to do any more work than they already did as part of their duties in the house, and she and Mary had had a big fight during which Lizzie had actuallyforbiddenMary to upset herself further in herdelicate state, going as far as to threaten to call for Robert and Mister Ed for support.
Both Talbot and Jane had been left speechless by the exchange.
