“Most people do,” Lady Burnham replied, clearly worried that she would have to dispel her pupil’s romantic ideas about marriage and men.
“I’m worried that no one will think an alliance with me would benefit them. I’m worried that my bastardy and upbringing will outweigh everything else about me.”
“First of all, let us not use that word or refer to the circumstances of your birth, all right?”
Elizabeth nodded despondently.
“Lady Elizabeth, look at me.”
Elizabeth reluctantly looked at the kind woman’s face.
“You are a wealthy and beautiful young woman with a duke for a brother. I’m sure many men will find the idea of a match with you advantageous and enticing. You are currently working very hard to overcome any shortcomings you might have in terms of your education. If someone is going to hold the circumstances we discussed earlier against you, there is nothing you can do about that, because you were not the architect of those circumstances, nor can you alter them. Remember that you arefocusing and working on the things youcaninfluence, affect, and change. That is really all that any one of us can do in this life.”
Elizabeth pressed the palms of her hands to her cheeks and inhaled deeply.
“All right. I apologise,” she added and dropped her hands when she saw the reproach in Lady Burnham’s eyes.
“Now, I was originally going to continue our lesson on peerage and spoken and written address, but I think I shall leave that for next time. Since we started discussing matrimony, let us discuss courtship instead.”
“All right,” Elizabeth perked up at the suggestion.
“First, I am interested to know what courtship has looked like in the environment you grew up in - your friends, any relations of yours?”
“We had no relations but my father, and he visited so rarely that I don’t have a clear idea of how he and my mother interacted. My closest friend, Mrs Ward, has known her husband since they were both children, and when he started apprenticing, he told her to wait for him, since apprentices and those in the service are not allowed to get married. And seven years later, they got married,” Elizabeth explained. “The women at the salon where I worked talked about their men sometimes – some were married, some just lived with a man, some were going for tea or to dances with men on their days off, so it all depended on the couple.”
“Interesting,” Lady Burnham said slowly. “Haveyouever received any attentions from young men?”
“No,” Elizabeth blushed. “I was still young, and I was never really interested.”
“Why not?”
“There was always so much work and so many things to worry about,” Elizabeth shrugged.
“I see. Well,” Lady Burnham resumed her teaching tone. “The first thing to keep in mind during the courtship process is protecting your reputation. No dressing inappropriately, no uncouth behaviour or poor manners, no meeting with a man unchaperoned, no immoral behaviour, no discussing inappropriate subjects in public, and no gambling. All of those things can expose you to ridicule and negatively affect your reputation.”
Elizabeth felt her blood chill at the thought. She’d never allow herself to follow in her mother’s footsteps.
“Unfortunately,” Lady Burnham added and seemed saddened by it, “all of these things are held against a woman if a family member of hers does them, especially if they are both women. I am saying this only to prepare you for what some might say.”
“Of course. What constitutes inappropriate dress?” Elizabeth asked, wanting to move the conversation in another direction.
“Too revealing, too scandalous in cut - you can follow the fashion plates from respectable magazines if you are uncertain in your own taste.”
“If there is one thing I’m confident in, it’s my taste in clothing.”
Lady Burnham smiled.
“I’m sure Miss Euphemia taught you well. Now, back to courtship; when a young woman comes out into society, it is a sign that she can be courted, and she goes to all of the events of the Season with the objective to see potential suitors and be seen by them. A young man dancing with you, going for walks,calling on you, all of that constitutes courting, with the ultimate end goal of marriage.”
“I have a better understanding now of what not to do. You and I have worked on my posture, practised introductions and addressing peers holding different titles, improved my table manners, and you know I’m taking dance lessons as well, but,” here Elizabeth looked unsure for the first time, “is there anything else Idoneed to do or say during courtship?”
“You, as the woman, my dear, need to remain reserved, disinterested, and control all aspects of yourself when in the company of men. You can never, and I meannever, try to force a man to notice you or else you shall be labelled “fast.” Courtship is like dance, the steps are already there, laid out for both partners, and all that is left to do is to take them. Like in dance, in courtship, the man takes the lead. If he sees a lady he might be interested in,hemust secure an introduction.Hemust be the one to ask her to dance. I’m sure your dance master will explain ballroom etiquette in great detail, but I’m always available to clarify anything you might be unclear about,” she digressed before catching herself, “now, where was I?”
“The man must be the one to ask me to dance.”
“Ah, yes. He must be the one to issue the invitation to the opera, walks, chaperoned drives and the like. You must never be the one to make advances of any kind. Your power, my dear, lies mainly in the right to refuse.”
“I see.”
